The road to divorce was long and hard. I must have died a thousand deaths along the way.
The first time was when he confessed to me what he had done. In tears, he told me his horrible secret and broke my heart. He destroyed my trust and became a monster in my eyes.
At his touch, I flinched. I yelled and I screamed. “I will NEVER forgive you for this”. I fell to the floor and sobbed uncontrollably tears…
He came near to me, but with one final scream, and all the strength I had left in me, I pushed him away “NO!!!”
Needless to say, divorce was imminent. He was a broken man. A dead man to me. I could barely stand his presence, let alone his voice. I picked a fight at everything and rejected his efforts to reconcile.
It wasn’t fair! I wanted to have my own mid-life crisis! Wasn’t I allowed to breakdown and wallow in my pain? How dare he try and rid me of my sorrow, when it is all I have?
The dreams, they died with him. Life was bleak and dark. I lost my smile. I lost my faith. I lost me.
The lawyers came, and the arguments intensified. Love, was no where to be found. I couldn’t fathom that he was ever the man I believed he was. The man who loved me, who loved God, would not have done what he did.
One day, amidst the tears and the sorrow, I saw him. My anger was dissipating, leaving behind deep sadness. I saw him, the man I used to love. I saw his tears and his sorrow. I saw what my rejection had done to him. Somewhere in that monster, I saw a child. Then I saw a man.
A man who made a mistake he now regretted with every fibre of his being. A man who lived in fear of losing everything he once cherished. A man whose faith in God was tested. I wanted to be there for him, but I could not.
I prayed. And I prayed. The walls were tall and thick. They did not easily fall down… I prayed more and begged God. “Oh Lord, what have I done? I’m sorry! I’m so sorry. Forgive me, Lord. Help me to forgive him too. Please restore what we lost. Don’t let the Devil win and take us away from You… Lord, please help us!”
I felt His touch. He called my name, and I turned to look at my husband. He said, “Rosey, I’m sorry”. I knew he meant it. I knew he never stopped loving me. I knew he fell. He needed me to pick him up. He needed me to forgive…
I stood up and went to him. “Please forgive me…” I cried. “Please… ” He held me close and we comforted each other. It was over!
The saying is true: “to err is human, but to forgive is divine”. As Christians, we’ve been called to a divine vocation. In this world, we shall err… But we must resist the enemy, and conquer evil with good!
There’s a war against the family, against marriage and against love. Open your eyes, open your minds and open your hearts. God has given us the grace and strength to be victorious! The power is in His exemplary love.
While we were yet sinners, He died for us (Rom 5:8). There’s no greater love than to lay down one’s own life for his friends (John 15:13). Let’s lay down our lives with submission and forgiveness and not go easily into that dark night! – Dylan Thomas.
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