I can’t remember my first thought, my first desire nor my first wish…
I don’t know what provoked my first cry, my first smile nor my first laugh…
But before I uttered my first words,
I knew I was special, made for a purpose.
I had dreams, held aspirations and imagined destinies…
My first idea must have been ridiculous
Simple, idealistic, unlearned and flawed…
For when I knew so little, I thought I knew much.
My vision was composed of my limited perceptions.
Understood in the vanity of my shallow knowledge.
Wisdom was as foreign a concept as maturity…
Emotion was my first counselor.
It sided with me on every issue.
Never did it judge me.
It affirmed my humanity.
My righteousness and my worthiness.
Emotion was a friend long before reason could be found…
Even as a child, I knew the value of a friend.
My first friend was unseen, even to me…
But we had many interesting discussions
As I revealed secrets and exposed hopes
I didn’t realise I had in me.
I was understood, I was appreciated, I belonged.
The friend of my imagination could not endure reality.
I learnt quickly that all is not as it seems…
I was not the centre of the universe.
I was not even as important as I believed.
Amidst an ocean of being, I am but a drop.
Yet, there must be meaning to my existence…
Distractions abound in life’s journey.
The search for meaning was put on hold,
As fleshly passions burned in my soul.
Lust for intimacy, pride for beauty, greed for success
My want created needs that plagued my soul
My futile plans could not satisfy my passions…
Love, they said, was promised to me
Love, they said, is all you need
So in search of love, I laboured tirelessly
Failing oft, hurting bad, crying much
Love was not as I imagined
Love, I learnt, is not for the faint-hearted
I desired more.
More knowledge. More joy.
More peace. More assurance.
I knew not what I was looking for,
Until I found the Bearer of my hopes
Then He showed me all that I am…
I am human.
Though I am weak, I can be strong.
Though I am foolish, I can be wise.
I have potential for greatness.
I have capacity for pure love.
I have purpose beyond this world…
The truth is, it is not about me.
It’s not about you. Nor about them.
The highest good one can do
Can no more satisfy than the greatest evil…
If self-glory is the aim, all is vanity.
But in worship, one finds meaning.
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