I suffer from a most common ailment known to man…the inability to escape my head, ignore my heart nor outrun my body. I am limited by my own perceptions of the world, constructed by my personal experiences, defined by my beliefs. Being spiritual has not yet delivered me from the constraints of this earthen vessel.
However my ideologies evolve, there are core beliefs that define how far my mind is willing to be stretched by a concept before it gives up the fight and shuts down. And no matter how hard others may try to liberate me from these beliefs, no matter how sound their arguments may be, no matter how desperate I am to believe…the core beliefs I hold will not change from their external influence!
Such a belief might be a belief that I am unworthy, for example. If unworthiness is a belief I have accepted as a coping strategy to understand why I have been treated so unfavourably in life…hanging on to that belief may well be a fight of self-preservation, no matter how much I am told that I am worthy, or beautiful. No matter how many self-esteem courses I attend, or the number of times I am prayed over to accept the love of God.
This prison that is the mind, the centre of our thoughts and processor of our feelings is hard to escape. Many resort to drugs, prescribed or illegal, to escape the bounds of this prison, but find themselves more shackled once the effects have worn off.
In this prison of the mind, you fight against yourself to resolve feelings you’re too afraid to confess. You ease those feelings with remedies of pleasant thoughts, wise words and entertaining distractions, that keep you from thinking too much…from continuing the internal dialogue. But when all distractions go to sleep, when there’s nothing more but the fight to change your mind…to make it agree with what is ideal and acceptable…all you can do is fight.
Sometimes, the battle is with the mind and the heart, or the mind and the body. Other times, it is the heart and the body that are in conflict, and the mind is the mediator. In any situation, the soul in not at peace with itself.
So many people lose this fight. When they are tired of fighting…when the arguments don’t work anymore, and when medication just stops helping…death becomes the solace. Death ends every argument for the living. When life is interrupted by a constant internal battle of reason against belief…death is more than welcomed, it is craved, as desperately as one’s initial desire to live.
Who can overcome the mind and deliver a soul from its prison? There’s only One for Whom nothing is impossible. He alone has the Truth that is able to deliver every chained soul, however they are bound. And that’s my firm belief. And my bondage. What is yours?
“For he that is called in the Lord, being [bound], is the Lord’s freeman: likewise also he that is called, being free, is Christ’s [captive]” (1 Cor 7:22).
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