You have a problem. You have an addiction. The thing you crave so much has blinded you to what you need. You crave to know. You feed on much knowledge, but are never content, because the more you know, the less you know.
This drug that gives you a momentary high, and causes you restlessness, is a disease to your bones. Knowledge is good, but Wisdom is better. Seek after Wisdom, and you shall receive knowledge and understanding.
You’ve been looking into those Scriptures long and hard. You think your diligence and persistence is evidence of your sincerity. But your pride, which you do not see, has blinded you. You know too much, and cannot learn the truth. No one pours new wine in old wine skins.
You need to stop. Just stop. Stop trying so hard to know. Stop and listen. Wait.
In your longing for the truth, wait. Wait in expectation. Wait, and believe that there is a Truth to know. Don’t start thinking about what it is. Just free your mind.
Expel all that you think you know. Abide in that place of foolishness. Yes, be in that place of uncertainty. Stay there and smash your pride. Admit that you do not know. But believe that the Truth will be revealed. For all who seek shall find, and to those who knock, the door shall be opened.
Wait. Resist the temptation to stop waiting because of the shame. Empty yourself of all expectation, except the revelation of God.
Yes, admit the truth to yourself. You are not an atheist. Not when you are searching for God. It might be shameful to realise that you have believed all along… You just don’t know WHO you believe in. You don’t know WHO to trust.
But He is the One who reveals Himself. And only to the humble. The broken. Those who hunger and thirst for righteousness. They meet Him in that place of waiting.
So wait. When you know the Truth, it doesn’t matter what anybody else says. You know it for yourself. You can rest in the revelation of God, because when He reveals Himself, none can deny the truth. You will know that He is, just as you know that you are.
How long should you wait, you might wonder. How long is eternity? Eternity is not measured in time. That is where God abides. It is not about the length of your waiting, but the quality of your expectation, of your hungering and thirsting.
Wait…even past the point where everyone has moved on, and it seems you are the only one stuck…waiting. Wait, even when you think you should just admit to yourself that this is the most foolish exercise ever. Wait, even when your friends laugh at you and tell you how foolish you are to be expectant of a God you once denied belief in.
Wait. Through the noise. Through the commotion. Through the anxiety. Through the grief. Through the pain. Through the foolishness. Through it all. Don’t stop waiting.
God will visit you, when all else has lost importance and knowing Him is all you desire. He will surely visit you. And you will know. And you will rejoice and you will be satisfied. And your life will NEVER be the same.
Wait for Him, my friend. Wait.
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