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I am a 300 level student, who has never been in love. I have had brief crushes, but nothing serious. I am a leader in my Campus fellowship, and I recently discovered that I have feelings for another leader there. We have been friends for a while. We talk and hold hands, and he’s all lovey dovie with me, but he’s never said anything to me about having feelings for me. However, when we are in fellowship together, he is stiff with me and ignores me.
The other problem is there’s another member of our fellowship who he seems to like. He uses her name as his password and her pictures are all over his phone. But he has never told me anything about her or their relationship. I am trying to grow my own relationship with God, but I find myself getting jealous when I see them together, and I don’t like it. I don’t know the girl or anything about her, but when I see her I’m not happy. I don’t want to resent her, when she had done nothing wrong.
I’ve asked God to take away my feelings for him, but He hasn’t answered my prayer yet. I don’t know what to do, because he is a major distraction, and I just want to grow in my faith. It is affecting my studies and my spiritual growth. I think about him a lot, but I don’t think he feels the same thing, I don’t know what he feels about her, and I want to stop feeling this way.
What can I do? Please I need advise.
It seems you are already aware of the problems and the way you don’t want to feel. Problem seems to be that you are waiting on God to take away the feelings… If you let go, your heart will or might break, but it will heal and you will move on. But you are the one hanging on, it seems.
This man hasn’t given you enough reason to hang on to him or be expectant of anything. He hasn’t expressed any feelings to you, but is showing you that he is interested in someone else. It’s hard when you like someone, and they don’t like you back, but hanging around waiting for them to is both futile and painful!
The facts will help: You are not in a relationship; You want to honour God, whether or not you are in a relationship; You are not honouring God right now, because your feelings for this man is making you have negative feelings towards another sister. This seems like a case of a misplaced focus. And perhaps loneliness.
Pining for a guy is not going to help you to make the right choices when it comes to relationships. It’s a bad habit you should drop right now, and free yourself with wisdom. Men should come after you, not you wasting away, waiting for one to take notice or love you or treat you right… Men don’t find women who pine over men attractive. They use them and dump them.
Rather, focus on God. Don’t worry about the fact that you have never been in love. I’m sure one day you will… But you want your first real love to be your LAST real love, the one that will lead to marriage… So use this time to grow in wisdom and discernment. Don’t waste it worrying about a man who isn’t showing that he is worthy of your attention.
Many women and men fall in and out of love, and are miserable, because they don’t have wisdom and their focus is misplaced. Keep yours on God. I don’t know if you’re following me…
So, on a practical level… DUMP HIM! Stop hanging around with him. If he is sending mixed signals, CUT HIM OFF! He’s confusing you and playing with your emotions. He’s NO GOOD!!!
You don’t need to hold a grudge. As you dump him from your space, your mind and your heart, free him and free yourself by forgiving him for all the ways he wasted your time and emotions… He’s probably confused himself and just trying to keep his options open. But you are not a placeholder!!! Let him play his games on someone else.
It will be hard to get used to not talking to him or hanging with him, but do it for your sanity. Open yourself up to more friendships and try not to pine after any man! Don’t think that the next guy who talks to you will be your boyfriend. THEY SENSE THAT! Just have friends and be cool with just being friends…and if anyone starts talking about dating or relationship, tell them you need to pray first…and pray!
Get used to talking to God now and listening to Him, so when that crucial time of discerning His will on a matter arises, you will know… So, focus on your spiritual and social growth, and let LOVE worry about itself! Those who LOVE finds don’t have headache. It is those who go chasing after it that do, and still miss it!
I hope this helps.
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