Issues of Life

The Marriage ABCs – X for Xclusive


Copyright © Ufuomaee

I want to take a guess and say no one enters marriage believing and hoping that they will be one of two or more loves of their beloved’s life!  They enter marriage believing and hoping for exclusivity!  That they will be the one and only love of their beloved’s life.  The last one, if not the first one!

Marriage was made for exclusivity.  A man and a woman.  Not a man and two or more women, nor a woman and two or more men.  That is why the knowledge that the one you treated as your one and only has betrayed your confidence by cheating on you, and not considered you worthy of the same honour, is heart-wrenching!  It is devastating.

Even for those few who thought they didn’t mind being one of many before they got married.  They will soon realise that reality bites, and that was not EVER their heart’s desire…to share their beloved with another.  It was a compromised choice during a period of lowered self-confidence and esteem, when they despaired of love or losing their beloved.

Knowing that you wouldn’t want to be so treated, to be among one of many wives or husbands or to be cheated on by your spouse, you ought not to treat them so!  Do unto others as you would have them do to you (Matt 7:12).  Give the kind of love that you expect to receive.  And if you know you are too selfish to be exclusive, then deny them the rights of marriage…for marriage was made for exclusivity (Heb 13:4).

When two become one, another one cannot be bound to the two and they will still remain one!  For another to be bound, the two must first be severed!  And if they are severed to make inclusion for another, they cannot be bound together the same way, and the third addition will never result in the three becoming one again!  They are no longer one.  They are three entities, which are broken and compromised.  There is no unity.  But most of all, God is absent from such unions.

So you heard of polygamous unions that the Lord blessed.  You’re probably thinking of the story of Jacob and Leah and Rachel as recorded in Genesis 29.  Do you think such happened or was written as a ‘good’ example to us?  No, it was simply an account of what happened in the past (an historical account of the lineage of the Jews), not an inspirational story to give us lessons on marriage!  But we can certainly learn from it…as we do all scripture (2 Tim 3:16-17)

Did Jacob marry both Leah and Rachel in obedience to God or to fulfil his desire to marry Rachel?  Do you think Leah was happy in that marriage?  Do you think Rachel was?  Did you not read of the endless competition between the sisters, and the strife and division among their children?

God commanded the Israelites not to sleep with two siblings (Lev 18:18), so Jacob marrying Leah and Rachel, even though it was before the Law was passed was still contrary to God’s will and Spirit.  Leah was despised by Jacob, and so God had mercy on her by opening her womb, and he humbled Rachel, whom Jacob loved.  Was Jacob at fault for marrying Leah in the first place?  Yes, I believe he had some blame in the whole ordeal, but mostly, he was tricked by Laban, who did this wickedness to his daughters for whatever reason.  But out of this situation, God brought out good, as He is able to do, but we ought not to test Him by entering such marriages, and thinking that He will bless our union!

Polygamy hurts.  Where it is the man who married more than one wife, it hurts the wives and the children, and even the husband.  And in the rare cases that it is a polygamous woman, it hurts the husbands and the children, and even the wife.  Polygamy is a selfish and unwise choice, that leaves hidden pains in the lives of those hurt by it.  There will be low self-esteem, constant strife, identity crisis, lack of brotherly affection, lack of intimacy between spouses and more.  Not to mention the message that is passed on to the children about men and women’s rights and duties in marriage.  It is hardly an ideal environment for raising children with good values, who have respect for the equality of men and women.

Polygamy is not for Christians.  Once you are married, the introduction of another into the marriage is adulterous.  It is not legitimate.  We know already that marriage is sacred, and when we consider entering it, we must consider wisdom.  We are not like the world, who enter marriages to satisfy their passions.  We enter marriage to glorify God, having first forsaken it with all things when we came to the Cross (Luke 14:16).  Marriage is not our right!  It is a privilege and a blessed calling into ministry, where the first and primary recipients are our spouse and children.

Polygamy is lustful and greedy and a great wickedness.  Because it was done in the past, or because people do it today and they seem to be managing or doing well, doesn’t make it a right thing to do.  It is not possible to love two people with equal passion, unless the passion that you love them with is already compromised in intensity.  A spouse needs to be loved with the mutual intensity that they love, and it is impossible for a man or woman to satisfy this need for two or more people in a marriage.  There will be favouritism, and all their wives or husbands will be shortchanged!

Only God can satisfy everyone’s need for love – equally and intensely.  Do not attempt to do what only God can do, nor believe the professions of a man or woman promising to achieve this feat.  They are liars.  They are foolish.

If you are already in a polygamous marriage/relationship, please feel free to disregard my post.  I have no counsel for you.  I only pray that the Lord will be merciful to you and your family.

I am writing to deter others from entering such compromised relationships, so that they can have successful marriages that glorify God.  I am also writing to deter any selfish dreamers contemplating polygamy, while already bound in marriage.  If you have the fear of God at all, you will repent of this wicked thought of your heart, and rather seek how you can better serve and love your spouse.

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