A Different Perspective

Reader Questions: Why Are Your Stories So Explicit?

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Dear Ufuomaee,

Good evening ma’am. Trust you and yours are doing well. Your stories are really wonderful. I had no choice but to like your page after reading one of your stories. However, without trying to dictate the way you write your stories… I’d love if the sexual aspects ain’t too pronounced-explicit (to me, it’s really pronounced in the Church Girl-Guardian) because of young people who might love stories and decide to follow you. I really hope I won’t be castigated for this. Thanks and God bless you. #Jesus cares

My response to the Reader is slightly modified from our chat, as there was quite some back and forth.  I’ve tried to put my thoughts together better.

Dear Reader,

Sure, you won’t be castigated for sharing your views and I appreciate them.  My blog used to be PG 13, because I wasn’t so explicit before…  But after I wrote Broken, I became bolder about confronting people’s attitude towards sex.  I can no longer say my blog is PG13.  By the way, content is marked PG13 when it is appropraite for children with parental supervision.

The majority of my readers who ask my counsel are dealing with the things I write about.  Many Christian writers try to keep their content from being so explicit and PG…  But what that does is make people think sex is bad.  It also doesn’t truly capture the reality of people’s lives.

If I can write a rape scene and people can read it without thinking they need to go rape someone, I should be able to write a sexual scene between a man and his wife that shows the beauty of sex in marriage, without the singles thinking they need to go fornicate.  There’s only so much I can do about the impressions people take away from my content.  But one thing I would like to make clear is that sex is a normal, beautiful, desirable activity that Christians can and should delight in – in marriage.

Broken is probably the most sexually explicit and profane material on my site, but the message contained within is powerful.  If I was to remove it from my site, because it might offend some people’s sensibilities, I don’t think my site nor the world would be a better nor safer place!  There is an audience for my stories…  They are those who need to appreciate the place of sex in marriage.

Many people act like they can only enjoy sex when they cheat or fornicate, and not in a committed relationship like marriage.  And I think that is why a lot of people cheat and fornicate…  When we pretend as if married people don’t have sex nor enjoy sex, we propagate such ideas.  There are many strong lessons within my stories about marriage.  I am not trying to shield anyone…only trying to make sure people are well equipped for marriage.

So you are worried about singles getting aroused by the sexual scenes in my stories.  What if they do?  Do they need to act on it?  So what about Mary and Ifeanyi kissing…  Would that be inappropriate for singles to read?  What about the benefit of my stories to married people who need inspiration for their marriages?

If you think my writing promotes sexual lust, have you considered the far more damaging emotional lust that causes people to feel they need to be in a relationship to be happy?  Romantic stories, no matter how PG, stir up emotional lust in everyone who reads them.  Even, and probably especially, the writers.  They present a fantasy of what love is, that is sometimes unattainable, and so people may become dissatisfied in their relationships, when they read about others who are enjoying great romance!  Or singles may become desirous for marriage, even though they are not ready.

But such stories can also inspire!  They can inspire courage, faith and hope.  They can teach many lessons about love and faithfulness.  It depends on how mature the readers are, and what is already in their hearts.  Like the Bible says, to the pure all things are pure (Tit 1:15).

Same with stories with crime and violence.  Different people can read them and draw different lessons from them.  I suppose it is only the criminally insane (and perverted) that will use them as resources to commit more crimes (or sexual sins).  But should people stop writing such literature?

If we write about people who commit sin, we only attest to the reality of our world.  Writing about someone stealing and enjoying the rewards for a while, shouldn’t cause any sincere person to want to go ahead and steal too…  If we show the damage caused by sin, and the way out, and the grace and power of God in transforming the lives of sinners, then our writing has PURPOSE and POWER.  Otherwise, it is pure sensationalism, and carnal.

The Guardian definitely has more romantic and sexual scenes, as it should, because they (Mary and Ifeanyi) are married now.  There are different temptations and lessons to learn than the Extended Version, when they were single.  If the Extended Version is for singles, then The Guardian is for married people.  But both kinds of people, if they are sincere, matured Christians, can appreciate and get something from both.  And if they are still in the world, I doubt they will be shocked by my writing, but hope they will be engaged long enough to be transformed by the message!

Maybe I’ll put a notice up on the posts with explicit content…for those who would like to avert their eyes.  But as long as someone needs the message and it is available publicly on my blog, I really can’t control who reads it.  I actually think my stories are suitable to be classified R16 :).  They are not pornographic nor vulgar.  I really do try to reign it in, but I want people to relate to it, and so it also needs to be relatable and relevant.

I’m glad you brought this up.  Believe me, I was expecting someone to say something.  You may appreciate reading the latest post in The Marriage ABCs on S for Sex and Sexuality.  Sex is holy and good, and just because many choose to abuse it, does not mean that we can no longer enjoy and appreciate it and hold it in honour!  There’s no shame in love and marriage, and there is no shame in sexuality.

Sincerely, Ufuoma.

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Got Questions?  Email me@ufuomaee.com

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Categories: A Different Perspective, Issues of Life, Matters of the Heart, Reader Questions, Series, Sex and Sexuality, The Latest, True Religion

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Published by Ufuomaee

Ufuoma is a Christian Blogger, Humanitarian, Entrepreneur, Podcaster, and Author. She ministers at www.ufuomaee.blog, serves at www.fairlifeafrica.org and works at business.ufuomaee.org. As Ufuomaee, she has written many books and novels, which you can read via books.ufuomaee.org. You can also find and follow her on GoodReads. Listen to her podcasts at https://anchor.fm/ufuomaee and https://anchor.fm/ufuomaeespeaks

18 replies »

  1. Ufuoma, I must say that I completely relate with your writing and it’s explicit nature. I totally agree with your answer to this question. Truth be told; we cover up some of this things, we go about sanctimoniously as though we don’t know some of these things. We just hide alot of things and many Christians Just die in silence. You can’t organise a relationship seminar in our churches and have people speak up or ask questions on issues bothering them for fear of being tagged carnal. The subject of carnality has been completely reduced to mere physical things and sex is seen as Bad. I really want us Christians to really get real with ourselves and stop the pretence.
    On the contrary, the Church Girl-The Guardian really made me appreciate the beauty of sex in marriage. To be sincere with you, My prayer for a husband has upgraded because of story. I now pray for a husband who loves, fears, and respects God and is still super romantic. I also pray for same for myself as a wife to my husband. I want to be spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically supportive to him. I’ve had this desires but My encounter with the Guardian has made me understand that my desires are OK and achievable.
    Ufuoma, you won’t understand how much this story has blessed me. We need more of this in our Christian literature. Because people are sexually frustrated and it shouldn’t be. The people of the world seem to be enjoying what our own Father created more than Us. Please Ufuoma keep it up, more grace and wisdom for you. God bless you and yours. Happy New Year.

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    • I am so blessed by your comment, Monica. It is for people like you that I write. You have shared a lot of what’s in my heart. The shame accorded to sex is from the devil, it isn’t from God. The truth truly sets us free!

      “And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed” (Genesis 2:25).

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      • I think you meant to say “Your comment says exactly what I had in mind.”

        I’m glad you feel the same! I have missed your commentary on my site sha! I hope all’s ok and good with you…

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  2. You’ve hit the nail on the head Mama Jason. If we keep shying away from this topic hiding under the pretense that we the unmarried ones will have our minds corrupted, we’ll eventually hear it from wrong places & we’ll be fed with the wrong information. The truth is, we know too much already so it’s fair enough that we hear it from the right places like this one. Thank you Ufuomaee . Keep up the good work.

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  3. I agree with you, Ufuoma. It’s about revealing what we usually conceal to provide insight to pertinent issues. It’s normal for some readers to feel uncomfortable so it is necessary to let them know why the change in language and you’ve done that pretty well.

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  4. God bless u ma’am, i love the way u gave answer to that question, u know some people are easily arosed when reading some fictions concerned with sex and romance just like in the Guardian btw Ifeanyi and Mary, that story really open my eyes to what love in a marriage is all about, how to forgive and stand by ur husband. When u read in Matthew 5:29, is warning us to give up any thing that will make the Lord to give up on us so any one that knows that reading any sex fiction will make him or her commit sin shld just abstain from reading it. More of God’s wisdom ma’am.

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  5. yipee… uhmm. lemme start by saying I find the question n response amusing (so I was smiling while reading, my sis had to check my body temperature). having been an avid reader of your blog, I trust u do justice to any confrontation, u r good with words n u know it. even though I observe the sexual contents, I didn’t need to confront u,I understand the message u r passing across n I remember I once,commented when i read one of the episodes on how I wanna get marry soon (lol) even though I was not serious with the statement n u cautioned me to tread gently.
    Truth to be told,body might want to do one kind,wisdom is when we don’t act, for the flesh lusts against the spirit,and d spirit against flesh,that we may not do the things that we desire. having self-control is to be guided.
    Stories like this that balances both spirituality and reality should edify us, rather than doing otherwise. May u continue to grow in the wisdom of the lord ma

    So you are worried about singles getting aroused by the
    sexual scenes in my stories. What if they do? Do they need
    to act on it? *my punch line*

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  6. in truth,if we were not told of d sex life of d couple,I for one would have found the story boring n fake as couples dnt jst look at each oda in d house..so one of the tinz,amongst many,that i learnt is dat spirituality n romance (enough dose) should go hand in hand in every christian marriage (i actually laughed at the scene where mary came back 4rm the spa n met ifeanyi on only apron in the kitchen.i was like wow,my dear christian future husband,ope u are reading this!)…well done ma,more stories please

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  7. Hey Ufuo, I just want to say ‘kpomkwem’ which in my language means ‘full stop’. Your comment is everything and hits the nails on their heads. The content should be marked explicit so people are informed about what they are going to see but once an individual starts reading, you Ufuo can no longer be held accountable for what they chose to do with the message. We already know from the good book that good seed was sown on all kinds of land…the important thing is that the seed has to be sown. There are already so many secular focused and worldly (i dont want to say carnal) stories and interpretations in the world….why cant we start to have soe Christian focused ones…sex and emotions and desires were given to us by God to express ourselves in love. Sometimes in this our world we have taken it to the extreme and now do all sorts of things…your stories are set in the confines of God’s teachings and if they often people’s sensitivities… Then I’m not sure in know what to say….after all the Mills &Boons some of us read at far younger ages were….much more explicit. Anyway, comments and opinions on your writing are appreciated but please do not guide the spirit God has placed in you….He ministers to a lot of people though your words….sorry if I ranted a bit. Everything is said in love and a desire for everyone to be honest.

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  8. Just saw this. As simple as your response might seem it is VERY true. That a person reads your story doesn’t mean he/she should act negatively on it. I believe every of your story starts somewhere and I also believe whoever is reading your story (or any other story) doesn’t just jump to the ‘explicit scenes’ he/she must have started from that somewhere (which I’d like to call the beginning). So when a reader sees(reads) a sex scene he/she knows how it got to that point. The story (Church Girl-the guardian)doesn’t just start from sex sex sex, it explains the trials, temptations, committment, low (sad) and high (happy) moments in marriage. I don’t see how for e.g. Reading sex scenes of Mary and Ifeanyi should make a single believer want to fornicate, if anything, it rather opens your eyes to the beauty in marriage and makes you desire to be married, it gives one joy to know that whatever you’d want to feel you’re missing as a chaste single you get to have in the right way approved by God. If I were to read something like “Ifeanyi entered the house feeling happy, 30 minutes after he’d eaten he and Mary went to bed” continuosly my first question would be (as a single)-is this how marriage should be? Eating and sleeping? Though I know like most of us do that marriage is not just for making babies. Knowing the beauty of sex within the confines of marriage motivates one to wait for the right time(place being in marriage) patiently.
    Expecting more life changing stories.

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