“As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her…” (Luke 10:38-42).
I think many of us don’t understand what the Lord’s will is when it comes to dying to self; something that He asks of us. Many interpret it like Martha, thinking that means denying their needs in preference for others, serving through labour and hardwork that is seen, acknowledged, and appreciated. These people also expect other people to respond to the Lord’s command the way they do.
There are a lot of Marthas in the Church, who feel like serving Jesus means they have to be at every church service, they have to work in multiple ministries, like without them, the Kingdom of God wouldn’t go on. These are obedient to commands; legalistic even. They pride themselves in the self neglect or suffering they endure to please others, thinking it is God they are serving… They think they are dying to self, because what they do goes against their own instincts to rest, to invest in their own lives and family; but they are also feeding a beast called pride or self-righteousness.
In the Biblical story cited above, two sisters were anticipating the arrival of their Lord, and one got busy making preparations. It was what she was good at. I bet she didn’t trust anyone else to handle the cooking, priding herself in her ability. I’m sure she wanted to impress Jesus with her recipes, her hospitality, and all she needed was someone to assist her to make the perfect impression.
But her sister, Mary, was not given to that. Maybe she didn’t like being bossed around by Martha. Maybe she had things weighing on her heart and mind that she couldn’t wait to talk to Jesus about. Maybe she spent time bathing herself, so that she would look lovely for when Jesus arrived, so they could really spend time together. Maybe she was just lazy…
But when Jesus came, Martha was still busy, and all the things she wanted to do were still undone. She was angry that her sister hadn’t felt the need to assist her, but now sat at the feet of Jesus, listening and talking to Him, as if there was nothing to be done. So, she complained to Jesus about Mary, pointing out how she was being thoughtful and respectful of Him, by preparing for His arrival while Mary did nothing of the sort…
Jesus’ response must have shocked Martha to the core… “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.“
I’m sure even Mary did not know what she had done or why she had done it. Her longing, since hearing of Jesus’ coming, was to be with Him, to learn from Him, to enjoy His presence. And maybe that had consumed her more than the thought of His or her own need for food. And when He came, there was nowhere else she would rather have been than at His feet.
She probably did feel bad for not being like her sister. I’m sure their different approaches had caused many quarrels in the past, but now, she was vindicated. In the presence of Jesus and His disciples no less. The Lord approved of what she had done.
What had she done?
She had chosen Him! More than anything else, she wanted Him. She adored Him. She worshipped Him and desired His presence. And this is DYING TO SELF.
She was responding to her spirit. She was being led by the Spirit. She was listening to God, fellowshipping with Him. And Jesus delighted in her.
Martha was doing what was expected, especially in the culture and society she lived in. She thought she was anticipating Jesus’ needs and serving Him like a king. But Jesus is also a husband; the best husband who wants to spend time. He isn’t a slave-driving husband; He is a LOVER. If Martha knew Him like Mary did, she too would have prepared herself differently for His coming…
Jesus wants us to know Him intimately and jealously guard our relationship with Him. Sometimes, that means not doing what others expect of us, but doing what would make us ready for Him…
Remember Jesus’ parable about The Ten Virgins in Matthew 25:1-13? Five of them were astute and diligent. They kept their lamps (read ‘fire’) burning and purchased oil enough and in time, so that when the Bridegroom came, they were ready. But the other five had not been so prepared. Maybe they had been consumed with too much that their oil ran out (read ‘burnt out’), and they got too busy to go and buy more. Maybe they were lazy…
But as they learnt of the Groom’s arrival, they began to beg their sisters for oil to light their lamps, which were dying out or already vanquished. It is interesting how the other virgins responded. They didn’t feel bad and say, “Oh, dear. Here, take some of mine…” Rather, they did what was needful for them to do if they were to be ready when Jesus came for them…
They said, “No, it won’t be enough for both of us. Go and see what you can buy, but I have to be ready for my Husband…” (paraphrase of Matthew 25:9).
The five virgins who weren’t ready probably thought or accused the other five of being uncaring, unloving, or selfish. I mean, didn’t they care that they would not make it? Weren’t they, as disciples of Jesus, supposed to be their brother or sister’s keeper?
But the five virgins that were ready were received by their Groom, and the five that came knocking after the door was closed were told that they never KNEW Him, or rather; He did not know them!
What does this mean?
This should tell us what God considers more important, and how essential it is to know and love the Lord. It is the RELATIONSHIP not the service that is of significance.
I thinking dying daily to self is being led by the Spirit of God to do or not to do, according to the Lord’s will. It is in abiding in a place of rest, trusting in God, listening to Him, waiting on His direction, not about doing what we think He or others expects of us.
Let me take it home…
There are women who think they are serving God in their marriages by being dutiful to their husbands, working hard to keep the home. This is not to say that this is not right, just like we ought to also serve in the Church, and faithfully too. But the problem comes when we think it is all on us. When we carry burdens that Christ didn’t put on our backs, thinking we are serving Him in obedience… Our Lord is not an oppressor.
We have to remember to ‘Come Away With Him’ in the night…(I’m thinking of Norah Jones’ song because our God is romantic). We need to trust Him when He says His yoke is easy and His burden is light (Matthew 11:28-30), so that we are not working in the flesh to accomplish the will of God, but being guided by the Spirit of God, through real and deep fellowship with Him.
Woman, you will not save your marriage by dying there, abiding and enduring abuse. That is not dying to self. Dying to self is the realisation that, “It’s not by might, nor by power,“ but by His Spirit… (Zechariah 4:6) and knowing when to let go and let God.
There is a time for everything (Ecclesiastes 3:1-11). Wisdom tells us that. There’s a time to fight, and there’s a time to flee…
I pray that we will walk with God and choose the better part always; resting in His love and the knowledge that He has done it all already.
“There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death…” (Proverbs 14:12).
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