Matters of the Heart

He’s not psychopathic, he just doesn’t love you

Ladies, ever had one of those relationships where you seem to be going crazy trying to figure him out?  He says he loves you, but things just don’t add up in the way that he treats you.  You might wonder if he actually hears you when you speak, or maybe he doesn’t completely understand what you are trying to say, because no matter how often you correct and forgive him for doing wrong, he still does it anyway.  And he still insists that he loves you.

Now, you want to believe that he loves you because he does some unusually nice things sometimes.  He can be generous or attentive, but when you need him to listen because you are upset about something, there appears to be an impenetrable wall between you, and you just can’t get any understanding.  But you are sure he loves you, because he says so.  And because of some of his good qualities, and well, there isn’t a perfect man out there, you second guess yourself, and overlook the fact that emotionally, you’re hurting and starving!  And the one who should be your best friend, isn’t really a friend at all.

When a man is affectionate only when it suits him, but doesn’t care to hear you out when you are upset, this man really doesn’t care for you.  If when you argue and fight, you are the one who always breaks the silence (because you missed him so much, or you don’t want things to get worse), then he really didn’t miss you at all.  If things are supposedly good between you, but he goes for a day or more without calling you to tell you about his day (whether good or bad), and you feel like you are the one keeping the communication lines open, then this man is no friend of yours!

Why would you want to be with someone you can’t talk about your feelings with?  Someone who doesn’t comfort you when you’re sad, or give you the attention a desirable woman deserves?  What sort of relationship can you build with someone, who doesn’t share the simple details of his life with you, when all you want to do is share that and more with them?

This man is holding you close with ‘I love you’, and because you need to be loved, you settle for the proclamation and not the action.  This is an emotionally abusive relationship.  Don’t think that he might have some sort of personality disorder, which makes him a bad communicator…  Don’t make excuses for him, wondering maybe he is so busy he can’t call, or maybe he got mugged and doesn’t have your number memorised, or maybe he’s sick in the hospital or even dead.  No, he is alive and kicking and not thinking about you!

So if you’ve reflected, and this sounds like a man you are currently with, put him to the test, and if he fails, run and don’t look back!  The test is simple: if he loves you, he will care to call you (not just to say hi, or how are you, but speak with you long enough to know that you are fine and happy), he will miss you (so he might call just because he likes hearing your voice, and plan for you to meet soon) and he will want you (so he will call or send a text, telling you what’s going on with him and seeking to hear from you).  Now the bottom line is, if you don’t call, he should call you – today.

If he is not calling, sorry dear, he doesn’t love you.  Run with your heart, and hold out for the one who will seek you passionately…  Who will be that friend that you can share you deepest thoughts with and spend your life creating memories with.  You don’t need someone constantly making you wonder about your worth to them, or your desirability, or making you feel inadequate in anyway. Real love is really quite simple.  It is the wicked that make it hard for the fools.

Tracy Chapman sings about an emotionally abusive relationship in her song ‘A Hundred Years’.  Check it out here

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If you liked this post, you might like THE DAY MY HEART BROKE

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9 replies »

  1. Ufuoma, thumbs up on this piece. You read the words right out of my heart….this is so real and we ladies need to think deeply and make that hard decision….if it’s necessary!
    And save ourselves some heart- and head-ache!!!


  2. On-point…A lot of Ladies are stuck in dead-end relationships for the fear of loosing one man and not finding another better. Thanks for sharing.


  3. Nice write-up but most importantly this pieace is all a dream. If I may ask. Where on earth do you expect to see men of all the qualities you highlighted. You indirectly promoting same sex relationship. Wake up ladies. Its all a dream.


    • It sounds like you’ve given up, Maurice, and settled. A good man is hard to find, but worth the wait. Truth is most guys are awful to women they are not serious with, or string them along, but when you find a man who loves you, even if he was a pig to other women before you, he WILL treat you like a queen. So he’s not a perfect man, but could be the one for you x


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