Matters of the Heart

The Over-Rated Experience

Closure, apart from being an absolute waste of time and an indulgence of the ego, is in fact a fool’s pity party.  All it really serves is giving you an opportunity to indulge in something you have already tried and tested that isn’t good for you.

Sure, you’re feeling hurt, devalued, misunderstood…so why go back to the person whose actions, or lack of, made you feel so inadequate.  What makes you think they will spare you the decency of an explanation now?  You might actually find that it’s been so long, they don’t even know what you’re referring to, even though all your chewing over it has caused you sleepless nights.  They might not have given you a moment’s thought since, and you bringing something so ‘trivial’ up again seems all but sad to them, and comical to the wicked.

But it seems so unfair.  You probably want to have the last word.  Perhaps, you are feeling so good about yourself now, you think they must want to kick themselves silly if they catch a glimpse of you now.  All is vanity!  Believe me, the fact that you think that means you’re still utterly vulnerable to their manipulation and lack self esteem, so you still crave their validation.  So, it means no progress has been made.  They will smell your weakness, and will not find it attractive.  Rather, they’ll take advantage of it, and you’ll have more wounds to lick.  You need to move on and stop caring.  They have!

What about forgiveness, you might wonder…  Yeah, what about it?  The person who crossed you in traffic today and almost killed you, are you gonna hunt them down for closure, so they can say sorry and you can forgive and move on?  Of course not.  Closure is not about forgiveness.  You can do that anyway, even if they never say sorry.  If we couldn’t forgive without hearing sorry, this world would be in a worse state.  The reason you want to see him or her again, is because you haven’t had enough of the hurt!  And you’re going to get what you’re looking for.

Definitely, you need to grieve.  You need to let all that bad emotion out.  You need to forgive.  But most of all, you need to come to your senses!  That’s what been the problem all along.  That’s why you stayed in a hurtful, albeit mediocre, relationship for so long, only to be dumped by a loser, and you still want them back!  The only closure you need is wisdom.

So you’ve invested several years in the relationship, and many more months seeking closure with your head backwards…  The past is gone.  Forget about your promise to love forever.  Love is a two way street, and you can’t make someone love you who doesn’t.  You can’t be bound to a broken contract.  Get wise, free yourself from your invisible bondage to this old relationship.  Open your eyes, and you’ll see all that you’ve been missing.  Look forward, and make a decision to love yourself again, by valuing who you are as a person and doing what is best for you.  Because, if you can’t love yourself, who will?

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6 replies »

  1. Closure is good but life can go on without it. I’d suggest we get it if we can. Closure within one’s own self is also important though – even more important, whether or not we get “external” closure. Yes, there may be an apparent reopening of an old wound and situations where fresh tears are poured out but healing and compassion can flow from that, both ways. Should closure always be sought? Maybe not. Good reasoning should be applied to choose whether or not it is necessary for a particular situation. No two issues are completely similar. Even the Spirit can guide on what to do. Seeking to avoid further hurt, hence running away, won’t be helpful most of the time, in my opinion.
    Thanks for sharing.


    • I appreciate your contribution, Chuks. Your view point is definitely valid. My experience with seeking external closure, as you called it, has taught me that it can be life stalling, and not an effective approach to maturity. Of course it can pay off for some, but there are also many casualties. Thanks for sparking more discussion!


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