Issues of Life

Reader Questions: If everyone must wait until marriage to have sex, what about those who don’t want marriage?

I was asked this question by a reader, in response to my post Ufuomaee’s Seven Reasons To Wait, which was recently posted on The Naked Convos.  I think my response might help others wondering the same thing.

“Interesting write up.Some quick questions though…

-Is this article addressed to a particular age group (read teenagers) who need guidance?
-Wait till when exactly? Marriage? what then happens to all the folk who have no intention of getting married or those who never get to meet the “right”one till late in life? Are they doomed never to enjoy sex?”

My Response is below:

Interesting questions. Thanks.

The main target group are youths, who need guidance, but whose parents have given in to the world’s lies and are now among the many people pressuring them to have sex.  You know some guys want to make sure the girl can get pregnant before they decide to marry them, and parents wanting their children to get married, can also fall for this, and encourage their daughters to have unprotected sex, so they can get pregnant and marry their boyfriends.  It’s sad and foolish.

Yes, marriage is the only safe place for sexual release and intimacy, and as a Christian, I believe that everyone, whatever their age or gender ought to wait until they are in such a committed loving and trustworthy relationship before engaging in sex.

Regarding the many folks who are not interested in marriage…  My counsel would still be to abstain from sex, even if they are not Christian, because the impact of sexual immorality affects us all.  It is a human right concern.  Life is far more than sex, but the sexually immoral have perverted it so that sex is the be all and end all of human existence!  Sex is great, but we needn’t be so focused on it.

You can enjoy many wonderful and deep relationships without engaging in sex.  And if you feel your bond deepening without sex, which often happens with people who have genuine affection for each other, then why not get married, and make it real?  But when we are obsessed with sex, we want to marry so we can have sex, rather than marry because we genuinely love someone and are committed to them.  Taking sex off the table until marriage purifies our motives!

Also, sexual pleasure and intimacy are much more heightened where the relationship is characterized by mutual love, trust, faithfulness and agreement.  Pre-marital sex can affect the sexual pleasure and intimacy of two people who come together, after having sexual adventures prior to marriage.  They bring their diverse expectations and experiences into the equation, which though they hope will enrich the experience, actually takes away from their bonding as they are unconsciously comparing and judging each other’s performance against past conquests.  This can lead to discontent, rejection and ultimately, unfaithfulness.

There’s so much that can be said on the benefits of keeping sex for marriage, even without bringing God into it.  Many people who don’t believe in God abstain for this and many reasons.  It is really about WISDOM, and God who is the wisest of all has ordained sex for the marital bed, to protect both partners and their offspring from the abuse of sex, and the ravaging power of lust!

Sincerely, Ufuoma.

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