It’s been a long time since I’ve posted on The Spotlight. It’s not that I haven’t been reading, but I’ve been doing more of writing and editing over the last couple of months. Yes, I now edit books by other authors, and it’s been great! I’m really excited about the book I’m currently editing for a new Christian fiction writer. I look forward to sharing when she’s ready to publish.
Anyway, so I ordered The Peaceful Wife by April Cassidy, popularly known for her blog by the same name, www.peacefulwife.com, some months back from Amazon. It was one of two books I felt a burden to order with one of my recent shipment of books. I am a follower of her blog, and though it’s been ages since I read anything on it, I knew that I would appreciate her book a lot. I needed something that would get me thinking a bit differently, or to hear a Christian marriage counsellor’s voice that wasn’t mine…
So, when I got my copy, I decided to read a chapter a day, or part of a chapter a day, depending on how long the chapter was. I took it as a devotional that I read in the morning, which enabled me to stay committed and focused, while I didn’t rush it, and also got around to do a lot of the other stuff I’ve been doing.
Just as I anticipated, the book was a blessing to me. I always thought that we have the same view on these things, but there’s a special focus that her blog takes that, perhaps, I haven’t laid enough emphasis on in my own writings. That is the need to give respect to our men, against the cultural tide of disrespect and emasculation. She talked about how she’d read a book that had told her that men value respect as much as women value love, and she’d been surprised by that. Instead of feeling like the perfect wife she always thought she was, she suddenly felt very deficient, because she realised that that was the one thing she wasn’t giving to her husband, and she didn’t even know how to begin.
She shared about her experience in marriage briefly and the changes that were sparked by this revelation, including starting a blog on her husband’s prompting, when he was impressed by her development. She also shared lots of lessons, feedback and experiences from her readers who had listened to her counsel, and experienced similar transformation in their marriages. Aside sharing these real life examples, she taught on what it means to show respect, how to do so, how to repent and apologize when you realise you’ve been a disrespectful wife, and the things you can expect to discover or experience in your marriage when you become a “peaceful”, respectful wife.
Of course, nothing is guaranteed, and there are exceptional cases of domestic violence and unrepentant adulterers etc. She emphasised that our changing isn’t to manipulate our husbands to change, but for us to get right with God; by obeying Him, working with Him and no longer being a hindrance nor excuse for our husband’s spiritual development. Ultimately, our joy and submission is towards God, who is more than sufficient for us.
I found the book to be quite challenging, especially when I put the mirror up. There were a lot of “but he is…”, “but I’m not…”, “but this is…” objections, because her experience, however common, isn’t universal. There are men who are really pathetic husbands and fathers etc, but the main gist was trying to change OUR perspective on things and try giving them more grace, regardless. In marriage, someone has to be the fool, and it might as well be you… Just as God was a fool for us on the Cross, we too must go to every length to win our spouse over and save our marriage.
There are some things I changed and made decisions on in the course of reading the book. I was also inspired, while reading the book, to incorporate more of the things I was learning into the current book I was writing, being The Naive Wife – Rachel’s Choice. It went by a completely different name before, but I soon realised that the name – The Naive Wife – was perfect in acknowledging the depth of ignorance a lot of women have about men, how to love them and how to respect them in marriage. With the name change also came a new direction in the story, which I am still waiting for more inspiration to write. The next part is dubbed Rachel’s Diary, and the final part, Rachel’s Transformation.
I just want to thank April for humbling herself so and going on this soul searching, life transforming journey, and choosing to return to share and bless others struggling to understand God’s plan for marriages. I pray that God will continue to use you to accomplish more in His Kingdom. I also want to recommend this book to all my female readers and followers, whether married or not. It will certainly bless your walk and your relationships!
Photo credit: http://www.pixabay.com
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