Critical Thinking

Ally or Phobe – Are these the only options when it comes to homosexuality?

Today, I googled the meaning of homophobia, following the accusation that there was a sprinkle of it in my book. I hoped for clarity, but it may shock some of you reading, as it did me, that merely being “uncomfortable” about homosexuality warrants the derogatory label of “homophobic.”

And it appears that once thrown, that label cannot be cleaned off without a firm assertion and proof that one is an “ally” to the cause, by not only accepting it, but promoting it… This puts a lot of people who are minding their own business in a tight spot…and for those accused, it could easily be the end of your business or social life.

So, excuse me if I come across a little defensive (or offensive), but…

Look, I understand that you choose (or don’t) to be (or just are) homosexual, but do I get more options over what I feel about your choice or right or experience beyond fanatism and phobia?

Why do I get the feeling that if I’m not overly thrilled about it, affirming your decisions, and encouraging others to explore your lifestyle, it means I am homophobic?

Homosexuality is not the only lifestyle that people have differing feelings about. Take marriage, largely considered a heterosexual and patriarchal construct, for instance…

Many people choose not to marry these days, but those who marry do not throw around labels like marriage-phobic, even against those who were once married but opted out. Neither are those who marry labelled single-phobic because they think they’ll be happier in marriage. We all have the different ways we view things, and it isn’t necessarily because we are afraid of what we don’t like or understand. Perhaps we do understand it, but we don’t agree. Is that allowed?

I know you feel victimized (honestly, I see it) for your difference, but I don’t personally feel responsible for growing the acceptance of your lifestyle. You are entitled to it. That has been made clear. And I am entitled to have my own feelings and opinions about it. As long as I am not promoting hatred of you and your lifestyle, I don’t think we have a problem.

But we have a problem when you deny my own experience and feelings, and insist that I’m either in your fan club or among those rebels you call homophobics. I know you probably don’t believe me, but I am not homophobic. I don’t hate you. I just don’t agree with your choice (or lack of) in same-sex relations. If there’s a chance I can convince you otherwise, I’d surely try, but if you are convinced, there’s not much I can do about that. Accept it, I may, but with joy…not likely.

It may take me a while to process my emotions. You may need to do more to convince me about the naturalness of your homosexual feelings and practices, but just like I don’t have to bother, neither do you. Can we just agree to disagree?

Just like you have a rainbow of expressions, I think we are all allowed to have a rainbow of emotions about them. It is a human right to have freedom of emotions, whether to be mad, happy, or sad. Most of the time, we can’t control how we feel, only how we act. So, don’t judge me by my feelings.

And if I write a story, conveying my experience and feelings, don’t assume that it nullifies or mocks yours. Just like when I write a story about marriages falling apart or men cheating, it doesn’t mean that I am saying all marriages will fail or all men will cheat. These are just common experiences and issues of life.

Not everything is about you. Not everything is a political statement. And even if I were to make a statement, I believe there is still freedom of speech.

So, consider this my statement of objection and freedom of speech. I am not a fan of the LGBTQ agenda, neither do I have a phobia of it. I will not promote your agenda, but I will certainly seek to better understand it. It’s the only way I stand a chance in relating to you, so that I can talk about what I really want to talk about – Jesus Christ and His plan for salvation.

God bless you!

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4 replies »

  1. Respect should be reciprocal, isn’t it?

    If they want us to respect their lifestyle choices, isn’t it hypocritical not to respect ours?

    Christians should not be intimidated into supporting what they don’t believe in. However, we should continue to share the truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ in love.


    • Ufuoma is on a table-shaking spree!! I like!!

      I will admit though, that the only reason you’re getting away with it might be the corner of the world you’re writing from. Where the expression of homosexuality is banned, so you might not get much open push back.

      I love this “Just like you have a rainbow of expressions, I think we are all allowed to have a rainbow of emotions about them.” This is exactly how I think, but I’m literary enough to express (be assured that I will swipe it & cite you, when opportunity arises😉).

      I understand a bit, though. They were oppressed and bullied for decades. I get that. Didn’t have a voice. And when they got one, they’re attempting to overturn the table on the rest of us.

      But, I suppose it’s about time us non-hating heterosexuals push back as well. We ALL need our rights and freedom.


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