I haven’t been active on this blog for a couple of years and a number of reasons. In 2018, it ceased to be an avenue where I could express and explore my faith with sincerity and vulnerability. But besides that, something else, something big, was going on in my life, shaking my faith from the inside…
My marriage was failing…
For anybody, that’s a devastating thing. But for someone who stands as a minister to others about Christ and His love, and Christian marriage and the Cross, it is soul shattering. One begins to lose sight of who they are and faith in things they were previously sure of.
I had to believe my marriage would work, if I simply practiced the things I believed and taught. But I have this problem that befalls writers, at least, fiction authors… My imagination just wouldn’t let me sit peacefully on one perspective. There were so many ‘what if’ scenarios I was burdened to consider, and these fuelled my writing.
Through my books, as I sought to counsel myself, I also sought to explore these scenarios and the possibilities of resolution to the issues of life, love, faith, and marriage they navigated.
But it wasn’t simply my imagination. It was reality. Life. True stories of Dirty Johns and Brute Nabals.
I watched films and read inspirational literature, which caused me to see that being positive and optimistic, and not being observant and proactive, would leave me a victim and a statistic. It did not pay to be ignorant. Not when I’m responsible for the lives of others… For the sake of my children, if for nothing else, I had to take precaution.
So, I went down that dark tunnel and considered ‘what if this was the case…’ And I wrote a story like I haven’t before, The Naïve Wife Trilogy. Through the story, I asked God, “If this is the case for Your daughters, where is Your deliverance?”
I recently published the last book in the trilogy, Rachel’s Hope, and it was encouraging. In everything Rachel went through, she was never forsaken. Though she fell, and she was humbled, the light of God continued to shine through her. God opened new doors to her and brought people into her life to assist her as she walked through the dark path, and as she began the journey of healing. Though she did not understand what was happening or why God would let it happen, He stayed with her through her ordeal. Even when she sinned.
That is how God has been with me, through everything I’ve been going through. I have never lost the assurance of His love and presence. It got really dark at times, but He gave me helpers through my ordeal, and He kept me ministering through my pain. Though I am presently separated from my husband, I know I’m not forsaken. And though I’d rather shrink from the call of ministry He has given me, I know I must put on the boldness of Christ and speak.
God has given me a powerful message, a unique perspective, and such amazing grace to teach on issues of marriage, talking about things that others may skirt around. Honestly, I haven’t felt qualified. I’ve felt very inadequate, wondering who would want to listen to a woman teach on what makes for a good marriage when hers lies in disrepair. In a way, I feel like Moses. Because, despite my inadequacies and insecurities, God is still calling me forth to stand in the light and blossom.
Yes, blossom. That was the word I heard from Him on Wednesday, 27th October, as I addressed my fears of standing as a minister to others, knowing the state of my own life. Blossom. Shame would have me cower and hide, but God has removed my shame and clothed me in righteousness. He isn’t done with me yet.
Because of shame, I didn’t publish The Marriage ABCs as a book, though I completed it in 2017. But after completing The Naïve Wife Trilogy, which made reference to it, I received boldness from God to edit and publish The Marriage ABCs as a book this year. And I know now that God has more plans for this book, to be more than a book. In order to do His will and continue to minister with boldness, I knew I had to publicly address my present reality and insecurity.
I know my readers will have more questions. Others may have their reservations, but I don’t have shame or anything to hide. I know my story, and I own it. No, I am not Rachel, and my estranged husband is not the character who played hers. But it was my marriage that inspired me to write their story. And by God’s grace, there will be more stories to tell…
I am separated, not forsaken. I am far from perfect, but God still uses me. As I stand and speak, I do so aware of my own shortcomings, marvelling at God’s grace.
We are still on this journey together, and I’ve still got lots to learn. But as long as He enables me and empowers me, I will continue to minister as He ministers to me. So help me God.
PS: This time next Saturday, I will be ministering before a congregation, via Zoom, teaching the lessons God wanted me to teach through The Naïve Wife Trilogy. If you’d like to take part, please reach out to me, and I’ll share the details you need to join. Or you can click on the image below to join my WhatsApp group created for this purpose.
If you’d like to learn more about The Naïve Wife Trilogy and The Marriage ABCs, please visit the promo link – https://msha.ke/ufuomaee. Thank you, and God bless you.
Photo credit: http://www.canva.com
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