Issues of Life

The Panic of the Pessimistic


I haven’t always been a pessimist.  I used to be optimistic.  In fact, I’ve always been an idealist and a dreamer, so I don’t get this pessimistic side to me.  All I know is, I expect the worst, and when good things happen to me, I am more likely to be suspicious than joyful!  Hence the title of this little piece.

You see, I recently got engaged.  Here I am getting my dream guy, after finding my life’s purpose in my chosen career.  Life really couldn’t be better.  I am happy.  But I am also scared.

I am a Christian, I am not supposed to be afraid.  I’m supposed to have faith such that even in the midst of negative circumstances, I am positive.  But here in the midst of positive changes, I am negative.  Mind you, not because I want to be, but just because my understanding about life is that – it just isn’t fair!  So, here I am expecting the worst.

I can preach a good sermon about faith, hope and love, but when it comes to living it, I am a novice.  Have you ever prayed for something, and heard your own doubt like “Yeah right, I’m not really holding my breath on that one”!  It’s not as though you don’t want good things to happen to you, it’s just that you’re more comfortable without such high expectations.

The fall is that less painful when you’re already prepared for it, and hanging by the bottom.  Going up higher is just too frightening.  Sure, you might be happy forever.  You might get what you want and more.  But there’s that horrible pain IF it all comes crashing down.  And the worst thing is that, the statistics are not in your favour.  So why the unrealistic expectations?

I know all the right things to say to talk myself out of this negative mindset, but it is just so comfortable that I return to it every time.  There are those who are only happy under stressful situations.  In such situations, they exercise their ability to control, organise and fix.  Once the issue is fixed or resolved, they are miserable or bored until the next challenge.  I think they are the drama queens/kings, to whom I share relations.  Things going well without our hard work and sweat just doesn’t make sense to us.  In the perpetual state of panic, there is comfort in knowing that you are right – that life does indeed suck!

What can I say?  I am not proud of my mindset, but understanding the way I think gives me much freedom.  I am able to correct the thinking and intentionally think positive thoughts.  I like that my partner is the opposite to me in this regard.  My negativity never seems to bring him down, but I am inspired by his positivity.  He reminds me of a place I used to be, when I saw the best in situations and allowed myself to believe anything was possible.  If I can make it from engagement to marriage without self sabotage, I know I’ll be happy with him – dare I say it – forever!

Photo credit: http://www.frontpagemag.com

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10 replies »

  1. This is about the most enjoyable piece I have read this year. I so love it! A very creative piece and it kinda speaks to most of us directly. You always seem to have a rather profound way of bringing to bear subtle but present realities with far reaching consequences should people be oblivious of them. I admire that greatly.

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  2. This is a profound and very sincere piece. I must commend your candor and the way you brought to bear those tiny issues of our lives that succeeds in sneaking under our conscious radar. Very inspiring my sis, kudos

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  3. Oh wat an interesting piece…I definitely can relate. I guess that’s why we Believers say it is not of our doing, but by His grace…and it is made sufficient for us as we surrender ALL to Him.
    May the grace and peace of the Lord be with us…now and forevermore.

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    • Thanks Orhue! I appreciate the solidarity and prayers. It is by God’s grace that we even believe in God. Isn’t it amazing that He gives us eyes to see and ears to hear? Thanks for checking in girl.

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  4. Thanks Orhue! I appreciate the solidarity and prayers. It is by God’s grace that we even believe in God. Isn’t it amazing that He gives us eyes to see and ears to hear? Thanks for checking in girl.

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  5. Hi again ufuomaee, how good to know that God is Love and His Love, is eternal even if earthly Love like you shared is sometimes not.

    For a Man and a Woman to find each other they have to find Jesus first, only His Love in them lives on.

    When I was going through a time of doubts and confusion, I read of the man in Scripture, who asked Jesus to heal his son , Jesus asked him …..do you believe he said yes but please help my unbelief and so I too asked for this and then once again I read Scripture and in it, God said… if you lack my wisdom ask and I will give it to you but believe you have received it and not being born with His wisdom I asked, and so many of my doubts and fears have left them, Ron said when we first met that I would worry if I had nothing to worry about 🙄

    During my Storms God gave me the some Scripture below, they are a wonderful comfort and assurance because I believe them.

    Lamentations 3: 33 For He doth not afflict willingly nor grieve the children of men.

    Isaiah 43:1-3 – Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Saviour.”

    Jeremiah 29 :11-12 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

    Christian Love from both of us – Anne

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    • Oh Anne, can you believe I am just reading your comment? I don’t know what I was doing on the 19th of July last year that I missed it!

      You are really very thoughtful. I totally get the worrying about having nothing to worry about! And the scriptures you share are comforting and reassuring.

      God bless you and Ron!

      x Ufuoma.

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