Issues of Life

Reader Questions: I have a hard time keeping relationships and I fear it could be a problem in marriage. How can I change?

“Good evening ma. I’ve read some of your write ups on LC. I must confess they are very good & helpful. Without much ado, I have a question to ask. I’m not in any “boyfriend – girlfriend” relationship because I don’t want to be for now but I have noticed that outside that, I have relationship problems with people. I have lost many friends (especially ladies) because I hardly call or say hi to them. I thought the problem is not with me but after careful observations, I came to the conclusion that everyone can’t be wrong. Of a truth I try to keep in touch and show that I care but I just don’t feel it. What do you think of this type of attitude & what can I do to change it because I must confess that the more I meet people the more I lose people and I don’t want something that will affect me in the nearest future and even in marriage.

Actually sometimes I pick my phone trying to call them but don’t just feel like it. Other times I will call then that will be all for a long time. I keep to myself most times. The reason why I decided to ask the initial question was because I noticed that as I meet people, I get along with them after a while they leave majorly because there was no communication and this repeat itself constantly. Hence in most cases the only people I actually relate with are those I just met newly which I’m sure will soon leave too.

So ma
1. Could it be that my personality is just that way
2 Could it be that I’m self centered and don’t really care to reach people even if it will not be convenient at times
3.Could there be some questions that I may need to ask myself
I know I have a larger role to play in this issue but I believe you might have been exposed to this kind of scenario before or have some advice to offer.  I read you post on LC on He’s not psychopathic, he just doesn’t love you. And I began to think…… Maybe he care he doesn’t just show it or express it the way it should.  Since my case is also related. Not that I don’t love family and friends but I just don’t really show it.

Sorry for the long write up ma. I just felt like saying all I can so u will get me. I hope u will be able to pick my main question and concern from my haphazard chats.  Thanks.”

Dear Reader,

I’ve read your account. It could be a personality issue, if you say you genuinely care for these people you never call.  Who are these people, by the way?  Friends, family, girlfriends?

I get you, though, and I think it could be all three options you considered.  I am quite similar actually.  Though I think I became worse after marriage, but I don’t have much desire to call family and I’m too busy or distracted to call friends.  Honestly, I prefer to call friends than family, because I feel I have more to discuss with friends.  I am an introvert, so I HATE small talk.  I am quite anti-social, and like my own space and to be in my own head, even with company around.  So I can relate.

Are you Christian?  As Christians, we have to resist our selfish nature and come out of ourselves to show love to others.  Ask God to open your eyes to opportunities to show you care.  To prompt you to think of and pray for people in your life.

When He reminds you, and you pray for them, call them or send them a text.  Let it start between you and God, like a project to help you be more aware of the needs of others around you.  It will grow your relationship with God, and also help mend and maintain your other relationships too.

If you’re faithful with this, soon you will see your selfish nature change and you might actually get more interested in the lives of others.  But don’t rush yourself or expect too much too soon.  Trust God.  Be sincere and genuinely work against your flesh.  Soon enough, it will be second nature, and I’m sure you will attract someone good to yourself, who you will also be able to show the attention they deserve.

I hope that helps!  I’m going to try it too 🙂

I wish you all the best.

Sincerely, Ufuoma.

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6 replies »

  1. Thanks for this post. I think I have a similar problem because my friends complain about it. Sometimes I just forget to keep in touch. To be sincere I think it has affected my relationships.

    Liked by 1 person

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