Issues of Life

Reader Questions: Should I hide the fact that I’m a single mom?


I have modified this Reader’s account, because it was very detailed, but her main points are still captured.

Dear Ufuomaee

I am a 28yr old a graduate waiting for service,i mean Nysc. A single mum bt still living with my parent due to their love for me nd my son.I met d father of my son in 2008,i got pregnant for him 2009 nd had my son 2010,snice then he has nt being a responsible father,he said he nt ready to be a father.

He used to give money for the upkeep of the baby two or four times in a year bt snice 2013 till date he only send once. I went for my degree programme nd now am graduated ave nt seen a man to say he want to marry especially wen i told them am having a child.thou the father of my son says wen am ready to marry,am free bt smtimes he do call nd ask if i ave a boyfriend nd i say no,he wil say am lying,if i say yes he would be jealous. ave been in three to four relationship ,none is working.

To be sincere with u,in one way or d other sex is involve bt am just tired of having sex .i will tell them till after wedding,they wil say no.  When I told one about my son, he said for me to recieve favour frm his family i should go on 100days fasting nd prayer,then i told him am nt desperate.

The problem now is that my parent especially my dad is given some attitude,hope u understand. My younger sis is getting married soon. pls is there any responsible man out there that can marry a single mom nd wont ask for sex,thou am nt despirate bt i need ur advice,should i keep my mouth shut concerning my son ? becos i dnt know if dat is wat is chasing them away or what do u think? thanks for listening to me

Dear Reader,

Your story is sad dear…  But what you need is wisdom and self-control.  Don’t forfeit either of them.  You have to learn from your experience.  Pre-marital sex guarantees you nothing, except tears.

Honesty is always the best policy.  The man who will marry you needs to know what he is getting from the beginning.  Don’t wait until he falls in love with you.  You and your baby are one package, and no one can really love you without loving your child too…

The most important thing is that you need a man who fears God!!!  I can’t say that enough…  Why would you want to be with someone who wants you to compromise and sleep with them before marriage?  So what if you’re not a virgin anymore…  We must not continue in sin.  So face God and leave such men alone!

I can see you’re discouraged, but you need to have faith.  God’s always with you, just as He was always with my character Mary (in The Church Girl).  Our faith is powerful.  Stay under the shadow of His wings, and don’t seek to walk in your own light and wisdom.  He will see you through.

I wish you all the best dear.

Sincerely, Ufuoma.

Photo credit: http://www.hotinjuba.com

If you liked this post, you might like READER QUESTIONS: I HAVE A HARD TIME KEEPING RELATIONSHIPS AND I FEAR IT COULD BE A PROBLEM IN MARRIAGE. HOW CAN I CHANGE?

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4 replies »

  1. My dear… What do i have to say? Well am still new to single mothering (my baby is under a year ) so i really can’t say i understand, but i have been living in your fears since day 1 so concerning i can relate. I have a book full of things to tell you, to share with you and to encourage so i really can’t pour out my heart the way i want. Babe… Don’t ever think denying your child for a man the best option, no! Let’s connect e-mail me on brightbenita4[@]gmail.com or you can reach me on whatsapp.

    [comment edited]

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    • Hi dear, I edited your comment for your own protection. Try not to give out your number publicly. If the reader gets in touch by email, you can give her your number to chat via whatsapp. Thanks for your contribution!

      Like

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