Issues of Life

Reader Questions: We’re engaged, but he’s been acting distant since I said “no” to sex. What do I do?

Dear Ufuomaee,

The other day I came with a burden about my fiance whether to accept his proposal. Anyway I did and we had our introduction last year December. He came for the list and since the day he collected the list he changed completely. He started complaining about me not coming to his house and spending the night but i told him it’s not allowed in my church and my mother will not accept that.After that he stop calling and mostly times when I call he won’t pick my call and when he picked he will say he was busy. So when I asked what the problem is he told me he needed time to think about the marriage that the items on the list are much compared to his tribe cos he is Yoruba and am from akwa_ibom.and that if am really worth the stress. Have gone to see his dad about the issue and he said I should not worry that he is just scared. It been two months now and he has not said anything. Have praised about this all I hear is pastor still say I should wait that will be well. But this is really frustrating cos I can’t concentrate on anything am so worried.  My intention now is to move on but my mind is not letting me.  Please what should I do?

Dear Reader,

Please run!  Please just let him go…  No one should make you feel so unworthy…not someone you want to spend the rest of your life with!  Are you begging him to marry you?  Please run and don’t look back.

He is showing signs of an emotionally abusive husband, who will probably not think twice about cheating on you.  He is probably not even being faithful now.  Do you care?

Do you not care that he doesn’t appear to hunger and thirst for God?  If you are in Christ, your husband must be found in Christ.  Please save yourself heartache, headache, bodyache and tears and just thank God that he is misbehaving now and run.  That’s my advice.

Sincerely, Ufuoma.

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6 replies »

  1. You hit the nail on the head with your reply. Her fiance has always known that marriage rites are more expensive in awka ibom than his place. Even if he didn’t, his fiancee would have warned him. if he can’t afford it what prevents him from telling your family. He isn’t saying the truth and anyone who is telling you to wait because you’ve done introduction is not your friend. A Godly man won’t behave this way. Run!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Iay! I really hope she listens. I know it will be hard, and many people will pressure her to wait and tell her that good men are hard to find, no one is perfect blah blah blah! When she’s married and suffering, they will not be there with her! Please don’t take your chance on a bad marriage, open your eyes and hit the road!


  2. Humm, the man said he want to think about the marriage and whether you are worth the stress… Okey o, my dear if a man truly love and value you he will pay any prize to get u just the way Jacob did when he had to work extra 7 years to marry his beloved. I’m afrai, even if u get married, one day you will appear worthless to him. But did you say u prayed and u heard wait?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Well said Ufuoma.
    These are red flags and she must take heed before committing herself to a marriage full of regrets, trauma and abuse.
    If he doesn’t find her worthy then he ain’t worth it too. That simple.


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