Is that wrong? Why do I feel bad for saying that…? Or is it just me who imagines that any desire to be happy that is expressed is often met with “happiness is not the goal”.
Since when did happiness stop being the goal? Did God call us to Himself so that He would make us unhappy? So that we will be joyful in sorrow? Is happiness not a part of the abundant life we were promised here on Earth?
Joy, they say. I was one of them. But sometimes, joy just doesn’t do, when it doesn’t make me smile…or laugh. Joy comes from knowing that God is in control and everything will be alright, even though things may be falling apart right now. But really, I don’t want to be falling apart at all! Why can’t I just be happy?
Is it a sin to be happy? Is it a sin to want to be? Is it a sin to admit that I am not…? That despite everything going on that is good in my life, I am just not happy most of the time?
It could be because I have believed making others happy will make me happy… It does for a while. Until you realise that you can’t actually make anyone else happy. At least, not all the time. Tomorrow, they will need or want something else to make them happy. And when you can’t make others happy, because you are not enough, you can feel like a let down…
Friends are scarse these days. Real friends are even rarer. Life ties everyone down, and everyone is carrying their own burden, or seeking who can alleviate theirs. Deep connections are like shooting stars, shaped like crosses… And in the moments in between, loneliness bites!
Really, though… Is there a trick to this? Or will I only be happy when I accept that I can’t be happy as much as I want to be? Is it my discontent for happiness that makes me so unhappy?
They say “money can’t buy happiness”, but it sure can buy cake, ice cream and so many other things that would make me happy right now…like a stress-free holiday! I know it is not a long-term fix, but today, I could really go for some ice cream… In fact, more than that, I think even a Spa day would increase my happiness quotient for a while…
Oh, Lord… I just want to be happy.
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