Issues of Life

I Still Shake!

Trauma.  How can one define it?  It is like a poison that corrupts the soul.  It seeps deep into the mind and binds itself to the person who has suffered a traumatic experience.

You do not always know when trauma is taking hold.  In order to cope, your mind blocks you from fully understanding or appreciating what is happening to you.  Around you.  And in you.  It is only when you manage to escape and catch a free breath that you realise that you’ve been abused.

I used to shake and think it was because I was uncomfortable.  I thought I was hiding from the truth.  I thought I was being exposed.  I thought it meant I was wrong.  I didn’t know it meant that I was afraid.  And my body was trying to let me know that what I was going through was not right.  I was being oppressed, and my body was trying to fight, what my mind could not accept.

Many years later, I still shake.  When faced with the situation again or people who take me back to what I had gone through, I shake.  And I start to think, am I wrong?  I thought I was stronger than this.  I thought I had healed.  I thought I was in control.

But a recent experience has taught me that you can never rush recovery from abuse.  You can never know how deeply one has been damaged by abuse.  You cannot underestimate the crippling power of abuse.

However, as I persevered to stand by the truth and to speak with boldness, the shakes went away.  I was no longer afraid.  I remembered that I am free.  I am free.  And I won’t let myself be brought under again.

This post is dedicated to everyone who has ever been abused, and who is still in recovery.  Remember, appreciate and celebrate your freedom.  And stand.

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