My answer to this interesting question from a reader was short and sweet. But maybe you might have more insight to share. I think she would love the encouragement, and maybe other ladies facing the same challenge.
“Good evening ma. you are doing a great job. more grace.
Pls i need ur opinion and say because am confuse. Am a 23yrs undergraduate of a nigeria university. I believe in this slogan: ‘if i dont take care of myself,who will’. I believe i should be able to provide for myself both financially, materially even emotionally before expect them from a man, and not to love a man because of what he has or because of charisma. But recently i met a guy, i fell in love with him, but discover there was another lady he was dating and their families were all aware of it and she is called their wife. I decide to quit and he came with stories that he doesnt love her, it ws his mother’s choice, she has been there for him etc. I continued with him, we made love and after that i told him i wasnt going to involve in premartial sex again. And he started complaining am too strong(emotionally) to be a woman, that a woman needs sex to b a woman, needs to be dependant on the man, i wasnt suppose to confront him when i learnt of the other lady, a woman is suppose to like the money of a man that i dont show interest in what a man has. That am too independent, and intimidating, that i should throw away all my theories or i wouldnt find a man to love me. All this hurts. Pls is it wrong for a lady to want to provide for herself before marriage, and wanting to get the inner qualities of a man first and nt showing interest in material thing? Sorry for the long write up”
I think you are right to want to look after your needs and not be reliant on a man…