This is an edited conversation I had with one of my readers on WhatsApp and has been shared with permission.

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Hi Ufuomaee,

I want to tell you something.  I made this friend when I was in Nysc orientation camp.  We were the best of friends, though he is a boy.  People thought we were dating but we weren’t, but we were just friends like that.  After we left camp, the frequency reduced kind of, although when we left camp newly, we were always keeping tabs on ourselves.  But now everybody is busy, no time to do this and that.

So, two days ago we met again and we were very happy to see each other.  We got talking, and he asked if I had a boyfriend and I said no.  Then he was like, he never viewed I was going to be single till the end of my service year.  Then he started, he was like, I would have been the girl he would have loved to date, though he has a girlfriend now.

But he mentioned some things.  He was like, when we were in camp then, I liked church so much, like I was always going for NCCF programs.  And, to me, it’s not true cos most times I end up going late, maybe when they are about closing, or I stay in my room.

Then he said something like I love prayers, that I typically pray about everything and he just felt he doesn’t want a woman that likes the church thing and does too much prayers.  Well, I laughed.  The funniest part is that he doesn’t know he goes to church more than I do.  Then I asked him “What is the essence if a woman when she cannot pray for her home?”  We know faith without works is vain though.  You work things out and pray.

I felt bad though.  I felt maybe I take this things too serious.  He told me he even forces his girlfriend to go to church.  He told me that I would have been the one to be his girlfriend now, but because of those qualities, he just never wanted it.  I felt bad there though, lemme not lie to you.  And I was like maybe I should just let go of some things.  But my mind wouldn’t.

The question is: is it that men don’t really like a woman that prays, that goes to church, that does the things of God than they do?  One of those things he does when we were in camp is that he drinks but, because we are always together, I try not to let him.  And there are sometimes he complains, and I tell him he cannot when we are together.  I’m not even religious to me, cause I know I don’t go to church like he does now.

Dear Reader,

Hey, thanks for reaching out.  Hmmm, ok…  Does he not like church?  I’m not sure I’m following you…

Are you guys competing on who loves God less?  Who is less religious?  What does he believe?

I don’t think it is a problem with men, but a problem with this man.  It seems he has accused you of being too religious for him, and you are now feeling defensive, wanting to show that you are not that religious.  A man who loves God and is for you wouldn’t make you feel so inadequate.

If he too loves God and shows it in a different way, AND is genuinely interested in you, he would seek to understand your faith and practice, and why you are so “religious”.  He will also seek to share with you any enlightenment he has about faith, so you can better understand and also see where he is different…whether you would agree.  He certainly wouldn’t conclude that you are too religious for him, unless he is worldly and truly unChristian.

I think it’s a shame that he didn’t seize the opportunity to get to know you more.  But I think everything happens for a reason.  He certainly doesn’t sound like “the one” or a man after God’s heart.  Set your eyes on that and be as religious or irreligious as God leads you to be.

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Do you have any advice for this reader?  Feel free to share in the comments section.  Also, if you have any questions about Christianity or from reading my posts, feel free to ask me too.  If it’s private, email me@ufuomaee.com.

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