Loss is a very real part of life. More than natural death, it is the feeling that someone or something dear to you has come to an untimely end.
It could be a dead end in a relationship you had great hopes for, a devastating end when the break-up destroys every good memory or perception of the other party or simple a fork in the road, that meant your choosing a path that’s good for you means that person or thing can no longer be a part of your life…
Sometimes, these types of losses are harder to get over than natural death, because the process of natural death prepares you for the loss that is pending. There is an emotional support network to deal with the pain, stresses and even costs… People understand and relate, and offer to help when you are so obviously hurting from your loss.
But when the loss is not visible to others, or something you may feel ashamed to admit, or even something that everyone thinks you should just forget and get over, then you can feel very alone in your loss! Healing and recovery never seem to happen because the grieving process is not given an opportunity to work in your situation.
In my life, I’ve suffered many losses. Losses that feel like deaths! When the door to reconciliation is closed, because there is no more road to walk together. You have forgiven each other, and forgiven yourself, but you know there’s no foundation to build upon. And even if you were willing to try again, the pains and risks of rejection are grave realities of broken relationships!
And some situations are like the living dead. You are constantly reminded about the brokenness and the hurt, because that person is still a part of your life and/or network, because you have the same friends or family. You can’t disconnect, bury and move on, but maintain a highly superficial relationship, which is a mirage of what could be, should be or used to be, just to keep the peace.
With every loss and broken relationship, one’s self-esteem and perception takes a beating. When your circle of friends shrinks, and those you can trust become an elite group, your perception of others also changes. Rejection and trust are very real battles, as you seek to preserve and protect what is left of your self-identity.
The loss of oneself, which in a way can be a resultant effect of other losses, is the worst kind. That is when you doubt yourself constantly, as you realise that you’re not really who you thought you were. Or the realization that certain dreams and ambitions will need to be forsaken, because you’re not as gifted or capable as you had believed, or your life isn’t going according to plan. Or you just don’t know who you are anymore, because you’ve spent too much time living by the perceptions, beliefs and judgments of others.
I wish I had a special summary inspiring message to close this post, but I really don’t! I’m really at a LOSS! I think the only way to live with loss is to realise that it’s comes with living in a broken world. It’s part of the package, the same as paying rent and buying clean water! You just have to adjust, and if you need to, redefine yourself. Change is the only constant in life. As every grown up knows, things will never go back to the good old days, but there have been so many progresses as things have evolved and matured in time.
It may take time for you to heal. You may still love that person, as you should love everyone with God’s love. But not everyone can be your friend or is needed in your life… Remember too many cooks. Savour, the ones that are there. And as for those who have passed on or are passing, if their memory is hard to discard, recycle (change your perspective)! Accept that they were a part of your past that made you who you are today, and treasure that small or big part they played in your life. They can have your past, but you’ve got your future… And it is BRIGHT!
Copyright © Ufuomaee
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