Issues of Life

Reader Questions: Is it true that independent women are a turn off for good men?

My answer to this interesting question from a reader was short and sweet.  But maybe you might have more insight to share.  I think she would love the encouragement, and maybe other ladies facing the same challenge.

“Good evening ma. you are doing a great job. more grace.
Pls i need ur opinion and say because am confuse. Am a 23yrs undergraduate of a nigeria university. I believe in this slogan: ‘if i dont take care of myself,who will’. I believe i should be able to provide for myself both financially, materially even emotionally before expect them from a man, and not to love a man because of what he has or because of charisma. But recently i met a guy, i fell in love with him, but discover there was another lady he was dating and their families were all aware of it and she is called their wife. I decide to quit and he came with stories that he doesnt love her, it ws his mother’s choice, she has been there for him etc. I continued with him, we made love and after that i told him i wasnt going to involve in premartial sex again. And he started complaining am too strong(emotionally) to be a woman, that a woman needs sex to b a woman, needs to be dependant on the man, i wasnt suppose to confront him when i learnt of the other lady, a woman is suppose to like the money of a man that i dont show interest in what a man has. That am too independent, and intimidating, that i should throw away all my theories or i wouldnt find a man to love me. All this hurts. Pls is it wrong for a lady to want to provide for herself before marriage, and wanting to get the inner qualities of a man first and nt showing interest in material thing? Sorry for the long write up”

Dear Reader,

I think you are right to want to look after your needs and not be reliant on a man.  Yes, it is unfortunate that an independent woman is off-putting to a significant amount of African men, but the man that will appreciate you for it, and not seek to take advantage of you exists…there are also African versions of him…  You only need one good and God-fearing man…and if you follow God, you won’t miss road!

Sincerely, Ufuoma.

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8 replies »

  1. Yess, I think your response gave it justice, I genuinely think that it is a red flag for any woman looking into going into a relationship that would lead to marriage. Any godly man will be wings for you to fly higher and wider and not an anchor to limit or constrain your flight.

    Anyone intimidated or pained by your flight can never be any good for your growth so I think It is definitely worth cutting off such persons and also praying about it.
    With regards to what you said about being a known thing with African men, I couldn’t agree more, if we look more deeply, we’ll see it is something borne from culture so I can’t even completely blame them.
    Its why we need to detach ourselves from things that can hinder our growth even if it is something as lasting as culture.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I agree with you. One elderly spinster in my church told me that an elder in our church told her to sell off her nice car as it is part of the things hindering suitors .

    Liked by 1 person

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