My answer to this interesting question from a reader was short and sweet. But maybe you might have more insight to share. I think she would love the encouragement, and maybe other ladies facing the same challenge.
“Good evening ma. you are doing a great job. more grace.
Pls i need ur opinion and say because am confuse. Am a 23yrs undergraduate of a nigeria university. I believe in this slogan: ‘if i dont take care of myself,who will’. I believe i should be able to provide for myself both financially, materially even emotionally before expect them from a man, and not to love a man because of what he has or because of charisma. But recently i met a guy, i fell in love with him, but discover there was another lady he was dating and their families were all aware of it and she is called their wife. I decide to quit and he came with stories that he doesnt love her, it ws his mother’s choice, she has been there for him etc. I continued with him, we made love and after that i told him i wasnt going to involve in premartial sex again. And he started complaining am too strong(emotionally) to be a woman, that a woman needs sex to b a woman, needs to be dependant on the man, i wasnt suppose to confront him when i learnt of the other lady, a woman is suppose to like the money of a man that i dont show interest in what a man has. That am too independent, and intimidating, that i should throw away all my theories or i wouldnt find a man to love me. All this hurts. Pls is it wrong for a lady to want to provide for herself before marriage, and wanting to get the inner qualities of a man first and nt showing interest in material thing? Sorry for the long write up”
I think you are right to want to look after your needs and not be reliant on a man. Yes, it is unfortunate that an independent woman is off-putting to a significant amount of African men, but the man that will appreciate you for it, and not seek to take advantage of you exists…there are also African versions of him… You only need one good and God-fearing man…and if you follow God, you won’t miss road!
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