Issues of Life

Reader Questions: Is it a good idea to date, even though I’m not ready to marry?

Dear Ufuomaee,

Greeting’s ma, I have been following your blogs in two years now and you have really been of a great blessing to me ma but I need an advice.  I will be 20yrs this year and I am a 400lv student of Uniben.  I started out in an awesome relationship December last year with a fellow believer in Christ and we are just 4months together. He is in 500lv.

Ma the issue is, we both have calls into service in the gospel of Christ but our relationship has been stained with emotional pleasures (somewhat close to sex but not it). whenever it happens I feel so bad nd he promises it won’t happen again but he doesn’t see it wrong as I do. I want to marry as a celibate but I’m.not envisioning marriage in 3yrs time now my fear is we may delve into sex prematurely as even when I try placing a fence he has a way of using touches and I don’t want such.

He is genuine in apologizing but a costly mistake ain’t worth it… my decision is to call off our friendship until we get more mature but I fear he will be utterly hurt as this is his first relationship. what do you advice ma? thanks

Dear Reader,

Hi dear…  I’m glad my blog has been a blessing to you, and you feel you can approach me for advice.  I think you’ve got a good head on your shoulders, and agree with you that you should separate, especially if marriage is years away.

Marriage is a big deal, and if you are serious about living happily ever after with your choice, then you have to make sure you choose wisely!  Too many people are desirous for the pleasures of marriage without making the sacrifices needed to ensure that the pleasure lasts until death separates them.  So deny yourself now, so you can enjoy later.

The man who is meant for you ought to lead in this regard…  Your boyfriend sounds like he is not mature enough in the Faith to lead you.  He might be later, but right now he is more of a hindrance to your spiritual growth, and you could end up ruining your future by compromising with him.

The main thing is to make up your mind – who will you serve?  The rest is to trust and obey, and let men-pleasers worry about men.  Be kind, but know that you cannot compromise in that regard.  If you want to enjoy the fruit of wisdom, you have to learn to heed wisdom.  God bless you!

Sincerely, Ufuoma.

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11 replies »

  1. Thank you for being brave enough to address this topic. If I had not been so blinded by the world’s “way” of dating and marriage, I would have done a lot of things differently during my late teens and twenties. There is so much temptation in dating. I think that going on double dates and encouraging friendship first is far more important than the western culture idea of spending time alone. Time alone is good, but it often leads to things that aren’t so great..

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think the question has been sufficiently addressed. Well done Ufuoma.

    Allow me to lend my voice by adding this verse of scripture I think might be of help to the reader:
    Songs of Solomon 8:4:

    Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. NIV.

    New Living Translation puts it this way:
    Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Beautiful submission, Victor. And may I just add that it applies to men too. They shouldn’t go about awakening love with one or multiple women, when they have no desire to marry!

      Liked by 1 person

      • I certainly agree that it applies to everyone. It certainly applied to me…. Looking back now, no regrets in waiting till the time was right.
        It is a hard message to preach, but it is a right message.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thanks 🙂 I praise God for your testimony. I know it is just what many young men need to hear, to know that others have been able to do what seems impossible to do…and it seems that everyone is doing as they please and calling on the name of Christ.

        You might find the piece I wrote last week interesting. It is really an unpopular opinion, but people need to know the truth, and we need to get COMFORTABLE about speaking the truth. It was called 8 WAYS TO KNOW YOU ARE DATING “NO ONE SPECIAL” – If you agree, please help me share it. Cheers!


      • Thanks Ufuoma for those words. It is really good and pleasing to God to wait. It is the devil’s idea to think that it is impossible to wait.

        Some young men and woman are winning this battle. But I wish that more would join. The enabling grace is already there for anyone who wants to obey God than follow the flow of body hormones.

        Alright, I will check out the recommended post. Tnx.

        Liked by 1 person

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