Issues of Life

Don’t Ask Me About Baby No 2!


I am soooo, soooo fed up with people…even strangers, asking me when I’m going to have my second baby!  And I am seriously pissed off whenever family and friends TELL me that I must have another baby, because one is not enough and blah, blah, blah…  With all due respect, you know NOTHING of my current living situation to impose the responsibility of raising another child on me!

Perhaps if you were willing to sponsor the second child, and offer your regular services as a Nanny for the said child, I wouldn’t be so frustrated by your inappropriate demand on my family.  But, please, even if you would contribute in these ways (ummm…  Baby No 1 could really benefit from this support right now…), you really can only ask if Baby No 2 is in our plans, and not tell us that we must have another!

I WILL NOT have another baby to please ANYONE, not even my husband nor myself, because that is not why God gives us children!  They are not toys nor trophies, they are a responsibility!  It is irresponsible to have children simply because you want one, or that is what is expected or demanded of you, when you are incompetent to raise them to the glory of God.

I will not have them so you can gush over how cute they are and leave me with their screams at night, only to come back when they are a year older to gush again.  I will not have them so you will be proud of me, or of yourself.  I will not have them so that my first will have a sibling, because there is some law that says all children must have siblings to have a well-rounded development.  Only if I feel competent, mentally, emotionally, physically, financially and spiritually will I decide to have another child…  And if I so desire, but I am no longer able to, because the time of reproduction has passed, then there is always ADOPTION!

I have ONE child, and that is enough for me, thank you very much for your concern.  He is a handful, but he is a joyous one.  I am learning a lot about myself raising him, and one of those things is that MOTHERHOOD is not my calling in life.  We all have our strengths and weaknesses.

Not everyone must marry, though the world pushes all to do so, as though apart from marriage, you are half human.  Not every married couple must have children, either.  That is not the purpose of marriage and it rarely saves a marriage, for those who succumb to pressure to ‘save’ their marriages!

Please stop with the undue pressure and, rather, help me to appreciate the ONE child that I have.  There are some, who do not and cannot have one.  I am grateful for mine.  Don’t make me feel less than because I don’t have and DO NOT WANT another!  At least not now.

There are so many things I want to accomplish in this life.  So many things that I am currently doing, and wish I had more time to do them.  I don’t desire to have my life halted nor my body transformed again by getting pregnant to appease you!

One of my biggest passions was seriously affected by my decision to marry and start a family.  I have other passions.  Getting married and having children is not the reason for human existence!  It is one of the joys of the living, but when you make it the be all and end all, it becomes a curse and a burden.  It takes joy from living.

I wonder how many women are raising children, when God intended for them to be doing other things for His Kingdom?  How many women gave into the pressure from extended family to birth children to their husbands and grandchildren to their parents!  How many women are living miserable lives now because of their husbands’ adamant pressure to give them a child, by fire by force…  How many husbands are burdened with the demand to raise heirs, and push those demands on their wives?

PLEASE stop with the pressure!  Please don’t even ask me in passing about no 2 anymore.  It’s no longer funny!  Even my landlady was telling me I must have no 2!  What is it?  It is enough, abeg!

If you liked this post, you might like I DON’T WANT EVERYTHING

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4 replies »

  1. Your article captures my current mood. Why do people like to pokenose. Biko leave me alone , will you pay for baby food,diapers, crèche, daycare school fees ? Will they help me raise him. Last week a man was telling me and hubby that it’s better to have children early and train them together. Lol. I hear. It’s amazing how people don’t ask how you’re doing yet the feel entitled to advise you.
    I am the breadwinner so I should have more children so that the financial pressure can do increase.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for echoing my thoughts dear! I really need to put it out there. People think I’m joking when I tell them am done and happy with just one. I feel like I am still recovering from the shock of pregnancy and parenting almost four years later. The thought of adding another one is like consciously going to take a pill that is guaranteed to cause me mental breakdown!

      I hope you and your hubby are united! It sure helps 🙂

      Like

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