What follows is a transcript of a chat with one of my readers. We started addressing the issue in question, but it turned out that the real issue was more pertinent, and I think you will be blessed to read. She has given me permission to share. Thanks for reading, and I look forward to your comments too.
Reader: Good evening
Ufuomaee: Hi, good evening
Reader: I want to talk to you but I don’t know if you will be chanced tonight
Ufuomaee: What’s up?
Reader: I’m fine. Ok there is this guy he used to be my friend but suddenly he started talking about marriage at first I disposed it but now it has become real o he said he wants us to go on a date so that we can discuss things. My problem is now that what are the questions I will ask him I don’t even know what to do now?
Ufuomaee: How do you know him?
Reader: Uhn I knew him through a friend and weve been close friends for 2years now
Ufuomaee: Do you fancy him? Find him attractive?
Reader: I have always friendzoned him he noticed it cos he mentioned it one time like that
Ufuomaee: Ok. So, before you take him out of that zone, or agree to date, pray. Ask God about him and give it time.
Reader: Yes people have always said I am always happy around him. Plus I have never though of marriage towards him
Ufuomaee: Learn more about him through observation, and by asking direct questions. Observe if he dodges simple questions. Of course, some questions will require intimacy for him to feel comfortable to answer.
Reader: Like what questions. I just don’t know what to ask and I don’t want to say I will pray about it only. I want to be prepared for it
Ufuomaee: Ask him what he sees in you. What he likes about you… Ask him what he wants in a woman. What he wants in a wife… Ask him if he has asked God about you. How long has he been praying and waiting on God, and how did he hear from God?
Reader: Ok ma thank you for this clues
Ufuomaee: Ask him what he wants from life. His ambitions and goals. His priorities and passions. What makes him happy? Ask him about his conversion to Christianity. When, how, where, why? What is his relationship with God like? Anyone who is serious about you, God and marriage will have NO issues answering any of these questions, and in fact, they will be overjoyed that you care and are asking the right things.
Reader: Oh thank you. I should ask the questions when we meet face to face right?
Ufuomaee: Then take time to observe him. Do his answers line up with reality? Did he say he wants an independent woman, and can’t stand your success? People say things they don’t mean all the time, so take time to check actions against words. Is he prone to acting and thinking like a pagan, or does he show wisdom like someone who knows God intimately?
Ufuomaee: Yes, face to face is best. People can edit on text or email and you miss other communication signs like shifting eyes, hesitation, sweating etc. Face to face is best. It can be a casual meet up or date, if he insists on it being a date. Just know that you need to suss him out and hear from God before you become emotionally entangled.
If he is hasty or acting like he is on a deadline, please walk away. This is not something you should be rushed into, and it might be he is under pressure from someone, something or somewhere. You need a patient man who understands God’s timing and your need to know you are also walking in His will.
Reader: Ok. Oh thank you I would be jotting this down and work on it. I would give you the feedback
Ufuomaee: Aside this, get your own relationship with God right so you can hear Him. And be yourself! No need pretending for a man of God. If he falls for a pretender, he isn’t a man of God 😁👍🏽 Good luck with it 🤗
Reader: The problem with me this days is that I don’t really get much time to pray and when I pray I feel like I’m missing out somethings.
Ufuomaee: Missing out like what?
Reader: I don’t know. I just pray because I just have to not because I just need to.
Ufuomaee: Then this is TOP on your agenda. If you don’t know God intimately, you will miss road on this one. Why do you have to? Is it a family prayer time? Or a religious burden?
Reader: Like my prayer life is not the same way it used to be when I was in school
Ufuomaee: How was it in school?
Reader: My prayer time at school is family altar at home. Like I get enough time to pray without anyone disturb me, concentrate more, study the word and en down somethings. Not like God doesn’t speak to me anymore, he does but I feel I need more.
Ufuomaee: Okay, I understand. So what’s taking up the time? What’s the hindrance? What’s changed?
Reader: A lot
Ufuomaee: Like? Do you not want to? Are there other things you would rather do?
Reader: Something recently happened in my family and my mum was like I should join her in prayer to seek God’s face abt it but I have not gotten anything plus on a norms I should be very much aware something would happen. Ok my spiritman told me I had not been consistent this days
Ufuomaee: Okay… just return to God. Let it not be about this man or marriage but about your relationship with Him. Seek Him for Him, not because of your issue or your mom’s issues.
Ufuomaee: Just learn to enjoy God’s presence and learn from Him and abide with Him. That is where you have power. If we go for any other reason, those reasons become barriers to our intimacy… God knows we have put those things before Him, and forgotten that He is our wealth, health and everything.
Ufuomaee: Like the multitude that came for food or healing, we will receive, but we will miss out on the real gift of knowing Him. So, just go back to God and repent of everything you USED or SOUGHT to get close to Him. Let Him know you want the real reward of His fellowship and presence.
Reader: Ok I will
Ufuomaee: It isn’t about being dutiful with prayer times or bible study times. You ought to be in constant fellowship with God and praying without ceasing. But you also want those times for discipline and spiritual growth, as you study and meditate more and shut other things out. But NEVER think because you make less time or skip them that you’re not in good terms with God. Just ask God to help you get disciplined with your personal times again. And He will.
Reader: Ok I will. I’m so glad I had someone to talk to tonight. God bless you sis
Ufuomaee: It’s alright and my pleasure. Glad to be of help 😁 Can I use our correspondence for Reader Questions? You will be anonymous of course.
Reader: Yes of course I would love to read that plus people will learn. It’s a great idea.
Ufuomaee: Great! Thanks and have a lovely evening.
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TIts a great idea
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I have take note myself. Thanks for your counsel.
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You’re welcome dear 🤗
Such an interesting read.
I learnt a great deal. An article worth returning to again and again.
Thanks dear 🙂
My pleasure, Ma’am.