I have been passionate for God since I was a child, and have been influenced by stories of Abraham, Moses and Samuel who heard God speak to them and call them out specially. I didn’t think God was going to call me like that, but I wanted to be able to hear Him if and when He did. So, I was expectant and believed that God speaks to His children. And I often spoke to Him in my heart/mind/spirit as well.
But it was hard to discern His voice as a child. I knew of Him, but didn’t really know Him per se. I wanted to please Him, and He was a fearful God to me. That much I knew of Him. Not much of His mercy and love. So, when I committed sin and promised not to do them again, I didn’t know that it wasn’t God’s voice that condemned me. That was another voice.
When I decided to change my ways and start doing a certain thing or doing things differently, I often heard a mean voice in my head or even a controlling voice. Like when I pledged to help to make society clean, and pick up every rubbish I see. I soon learnt it wasn’t feasible, because it would leave me in one street of Lagos all day, and I wouldn’t be able to get anything else done. But for a while, there was this voice that would tell me to go back and pick rubbish I saw. I finally came to see that as my OCD voice. Yes, I have OCD tendencies. I think we all do!
Then of course, there’s the usual conversational voice in your head, which is just you talking to yourself, laughing at yourself and processing your thoughts and feelings. Practicing what you want to say before you actually say it. And even chastising yourself for your thoughts, feelings and actions. That voice is easy to decipher and understand, and it’s funny how you can talk back to it without saying anything with your mouth, like there are two people in your head, but it’s just you thinking in many different ways and trying to do what is right in the midst of many opinions.
But there’s one voice, that’s not me, but I think it’s me. I think it communicates a part of my nature that hasn’t died. It can be angry, judgmental, critical, rude and even profane. It usually comes out when I’m having road rage! Sometimes, when I’m irritated by things that other people do or frustrated with myself. Whenever it starts to speak, I am repulsed and I ask God – “who is that???!!!” “Is that me?!” “Why do I still think and talk like that?!” And I always ask God to purge me of it, so that all my inner voice will speak peace, calm, love and happiness. Hmmm…
There are other voices I’ve identified, but they are not common. They come and go. Like when the devil wants to tempt. But I don’t hear him much, to be honest. I think he tempts me with stressful situations, where I can grow impatient and act contrary to God’s will. He doesn’t often whisper “steal this, and no one will know” or “do this and no one will know.” But, there’s at least one time I heeded his voice, when I was younger and competing with my sister on a treadmill or something, and I made it go too fast for her. I can’t really remember what happened or how, but I know she got hurt and I felt bad, and was wondering, “why did I listen to that voice telling me to hurt her?!”
And then there’s God’s voice. I’ve eventually grown to know it and separate it, amidst the other voices in my head. Truly, it is a still small voice. A voice of wisdom, love and peace. A voice of conviction and justice. A gentle prodding. An encouragement. Even humourous at times. Sometimes, I am confused if it is me talking to myself again, but there’s this wisdom and assurance that follows, that says I should trust that voice and be edified. Sometimes, I am led to share what God says to me via my blog or The Oracle, my sister blog.
So, why this unusual post today? Well, I had another case of “is this me or is this God?” this morning, and got the inspiration to write this post. I am sure I am not alone in the things I’ve said. Having so many voices in our heads can be distracting, and it can be hard to hear and heed God’s voice. But the truth is, His voice is among them. And probably more common than you realise. As you heed His voice, you will hear Him more and more. Check out my posts, Hearing From God and How Do I Get To Hear God’s Voice? to learn more about this phenomenon.
I hope you are blessed and encouraged by this post, and not creeped out!!! I’ve probably revealed too much, but hey, I believe God wanted me to share this post today. If it’s not for you, maybe for someone else. God bless you!
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