Issues of Life

Whose Argument Is It Anyway?

This post has been a long time coming, but I figured…better late than never. When I got the lesson for this article, I knew it was something worth sharing and remembering, and I am hoping that I’m still able to articulate the point. I know that it has really helped me to remember the lesson, whenever I find myself getting worked up over nothing.

We probably don’t realise how much we are controlled by the media, or how many beliefs we ‘hold’ that we don’t really ‘possess’. There are many things we do because we think that is what we are supposed to do, and that it is the normal way. It can be really scary when you realise that the person you’ve become is someone you really don’t recognise, because you are thinking and doing things that you really don’t want to do or think.

It dawned on me one day when I went to the bathroom, and found that my boyfriend (at the time – now husband) had left the toilet seat up, even though I’d told him repeatedly that he was supposed to bring it back down again after using it. I found myself getting irritated and thinking, “I’m going to have to have another word with him”.

And then the thought came – “why?” Why was I so upset? Was it because the toilet seat was so heavy that I couldn’t put it back down again? Was it much less inconvenient to have another go at him, than it was to just put down the seat myself, and let the matter go? Afterall, he was usually putting it down, and he had obviously forgotten!

When this alternative thought came in, I was like – wow!!! Here I was about to get really upset again, and start up an argument with my boo, when there really was no problem. I then asked myself how come I thought it was something to be so annoyed about. I mean, who told me that the proper reaction a woman should have when she sees the toilet seat up is to be angry?! Then it came to me again – TV!!! I realised then and there that there were many such petty peeves that I had picked up from watching sitcoms, which I really was not bothered about personally. It was just that, ‘someone’ had suggested that perhaps this is the sort of thing I should be bothered about.

I have to say, that simple realization probably saved my relationship from the pathway that the others before it went. There were a lot more things I had to run through the ‘annoymeter’, to make sure that my irritation was genuine and not prescribed! I found that my relationship was free from turbulence, and that I actually knew how to live in peace with somebody else. I am not saying that I put up with any and everything… There are things that genuinely upset me, and when I’ve shared them with him, he genuinely tries to avoid repeat occurrences.

Though I feel this affects a lot of women, I think it is also true for men. Maybe the next time you think of accusing your lady of ‘nagging’, you should pause to think if what she is saying is really true, and if it is something you can accommodate, before you throw her in the “nag” pile. We can all do more to be more understanding of the other sex, and not let stereotypes and media hype corrupt our ability to discern our genuine feelings and needs.

So the next time he does something, and the devil jumps on your back shouting “Oh, no, he didn’t!!!”, just turn to that foolish devil, and wag your finger back and say “Oh, yes he did! And???” Don’t let anyone, especially the media, tell you how you are supposed to live with the one you love. You guys can make up new rules. Whose argument is it anyway?

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10 replies »

  1. Ufuoma, I totally I agree with you on this one. As strong minded as one can be, the media/society has a way of conditioning one’s mind or way of behaving with one’s knowledge. Like you, I have gotten upset over this same issue many times in the past. Now I think, why should I or us ladies get upset (complain, moan) when guys leave the toilet seat up; it’s not like they complain that we always leave it down.

    Liked by 1 person

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