One of my readers reached out to me on Instagram and we had a chat about a relationship issue he was having. He permitted me to share on Reader Questions, and I hope that someone else is blessed by this exchange.

***

Hi Ufuomaee,

I wanted to ask your advice if you have time.

Yeah. So I met this lady who just left a bad relationship. We had always had a connection. So her ex broke up with her and we became close. I didn’t want to rush her into a relationship with me so I kept encouraging her to work on her self esteem etc.

So an acquaintance I know started showing interest and told me. I said we are close and personal. Lol.

But as time went on he told her he likes her and she started showing interest to him too.

They started chatting and all that and I told her I’ve had this experience before where my ex girlfriend left me for an acquaintance. And this thing is playing out again? Why?

She said she likes him but she won’t date him but her actions are different.

She shows me mixed signals and then shows interest in the other guy.

My Response:

Sorry about that… But you were just doing the right thing.

How long since she broke up with her ex?

Reader:

Almost four months now.

So I decided not to call her or text her. Because I almost had a mental breakdown and had several panic attacks.

I told myself I won’t be a part of this love triangle. If it’s worth it she can have the guy. I can’t be fighting another man for a lady anymore.

Me: Hmmm. Why do you like her?

Reader:

She has the same goals I have. Addressing suicides and healing for the soul.

She is compassionate
Understanding
Selfless
Fun to be with
Always inquisitive and curious
Beautiful lol
She can break down complex subjects and makes people understand

Me: What about your faith? Does she share it? As passionately?

Reader: Yes she does.

Me: How long was she with her ex?

Reader: 2 years plus I think.

Me: Do you know if they were abstaining? Are you concerned about that?

Reader:

I try not to ask about their sexual activity. I feel it’s none of my business.

All I know was that they were doing long distance. He came back and some months later he broke it off.

Me: Well… it kind of is your business if you are thinking about having a relationship with her that honours God

Reader: Okay. Got it.

Me:

If she was honouring God in this regard, she wouldn’t be shy to say so. If she wasn’t, but has repented, she would also say so. But if she hasn’t repented of it, you have to take that into consideration. It’s about her spiritual maturity and also your own growth

If you desire to honour God, you should care about that too. Especially if you’ve been keeping yourself.

Reader:

I didn’t ask her. I will when we see.

Honestly. There’s this connection we have. I haven’t had this in years. At one time she said she felt me feeling bad and sent me a text asking if I was okay. I said I’ll be fine.

Another time she said she feels she’d marry me because we have the same goals in life and she won’t worry about domestic issues. And I told her we might even be in the same programs where I do the music and she speaks. She said yes that’s what she was thing too.

Me:

The reasons you like her sound good, but having that spiritual connection and agreement is much more important. It means you guys actually have something rare and genuine, and I would say worth fighting for. But if it is just another crush with a nice, ‘good’, pretty girl, it ain’t worth it.

Honestly, I think you should not rush to become her boyfriend nor worry about who will take that position in her life.

If she’s feeling you and in sync with you… If she isn’t hasty to be in a relationship and is WAITING on God for something DEEP… And if she actually likes you and is interested in you, another man can’t take her heart away.

So, continue to be patient. Pray about her. Pray FOR her. Wait on God, because your future may not be with her. It may be someone better.

Reader:

Okay. As it is she’s enjoying his attention and musical finesse. Lol.

I’ll pray and commit everything to God and watch.

Me:

Yes! Pray and commit all to God.

Mostly, have in mind who you want to spend your life with. Write it down and entrust it to God. Pray for that person to come into your life. Also pray that you will always be found about your Father’s business.

You NEVER need to be anxious when you are following or trusting God. He moves in mysterious ways, but He always makes our paths straight when we put our trust in Him.

I hope I have answered your issue and you feel clearer about things.

Reader:

I just prayed and opened my eyes to see your messages. That’s what I just said. Haha.

Thank you.

***

Do you have any advice for this reader?  Feel free to share in the comments section.  Also, if you have any questions about Christianity or from reading my posts, feel free to ask me too.  If it’s private, email me@ufuomaee.com.

Photo credit: http://www.unsplash.com

If you liked this post, you might like READER QUESTIONS: HE’S SENDING ME MIXED SIGNALS, AND I’M SO CONFUSED. WHAT DO I DO?

Read more READER QUESTIONS

Are you blessed by this ministry?  Why not partner with me?

SUPPORT THIS MINISTRY